Australia's Economy Flounders: Is This the End Times?

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. And Bad GDP?

As Assistant Regional Manager (and volunteer Sheriff's Deputy) I Dwight K. Schrute take economic matters very seriously. Today I bring you grim news from Down Under. Australia yes the land of kangaroos and didgeridoos is facing an economic slowdown. Their GDP grew a measly 1.3% year on year in the first quarter. Less than expected! It's like a beet farmer only harvesting turnips. Unacceptable!

Public Spending: A Waste of Good Money?

Katherine Keenan some bureaucrat from the Australian Bureau of Statistics (which sounds about as exciting as accounting) blames shrinking public spending. Well duh! Everyone knows that governments are like Michael Scott with a credit card. They spend wildly on things like… I don't know… unnecessary government cheese? My spending is always targeted and strategic I would never make a bad business decision. This isn't an if you build it they will come situation. This is a build it be smart and you'll succeed situation!

Extreme Weather: Nature's Wrath or Bad Planning?

Keenan also whines about "extreme weather events" affecting mining tourism and shipping. Weather affects everything! I knew a hailstorm was coming to Scranton a week prior but did anyone listen to me? I had a plan to protect the office with giant tarps but no Michael just laughed at me. Laugh all you want Michael now Dunder Mifflin Scranton will be vulnerable when the time comes.

The Reserve Bank of Australia: Are They Idiots?

The Reserve Bank of Australia like our own Federal Reserve is panicking and cutting rates. They think they can solve everything with lower interest rates. It's like trying to cure a cold with more cowbell. They should be investing in… you guessed it… beets! Beet based infrastructure beet powered cars beet futures! The possibilities are endless!

Saving vs. Spending: A Schrute's Dilemma

Some economist Abhijit Surya suggests households might prioritize saving over spending due to “economic uncertainty.” Listen here Surya if you have money you should spend it but save just enough in case of a global financial catastrophe. I should know I have my own savings and bunker just in case anything goes awry! Are you afraid of the end times? You should be they're coming.

Beets: The Only Solution

So what's the answer? It's simple really. More beets. Beets for food beets for fuel beets for building materials. Australia needs to embrace the power of beets. I Dwight K. Schrute am willing to travel to the land of kangaroos and personally oversee their beet based economic recovery. Contact me immediately Australia. You won't regret it. As I always say "Whenever I'm about to do something I think 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would I do not do that thing."