I Have Spoken: The Numbers Don't Lie
I've seen tougher scrapes than this hauling bounties across the Outer Rim but even I gotta admit these numbers ain't pretty. Word on the street from Wall Street—sounds like a seedy cantina on Nar Shaddaa—is Tesla's expecting about 39 credits... err cents per share and a measly 21.11 billion in revenue. That’s a slight dip since last year. This is not the way!
Tariffs? I Hate Tariffs. It's Coarse and It Gets Everywhere.
Now this whole tariff situation is messier than a Sarlacc pit. Seems like Musk is in a bit of a spat with the current administration. He even called some trade advisor a 'moron.' I've seen dumber Gamorreans but still not the smartest move. These tariffs could hit Tesla harder than a blaster shot to a power converter especially with their reliance on parts from China and Mexico.
Model Y: The Foundling of the Tesla Fleet?
They're saying the Model Y is the shining hope like Grogu to a Jedi. Musk himself is betting on it along with robotics and AI. I've seen droids do some pretty amazing things so who knows? Maybe Tesla can pull a rabbit out of a hat... or a droid out of a charging station.
Musk's 'Armageddon' and Other Tall Tales
Musk's been running his mouth again. Claims the news makes it sound like 'Armageddon' and that he can't walk past a TV without seeing a Tesla on fire. Sounds like he needs to lay off the Jawa Juice. But I’ve seen worse than Armageddon. I hunt bounties for a living.
Hold On To Your Stock This Is the Way... Maybe?
Musk is telling everyone to hold onto their stock like it's a precious Mandalorian artifact. But with the stock down 44% some investors are probably feeling like they've been thrown into the Lars homestead after a Tusken Raider raid. I have spoken.
The Future: Mandalorian or Scrap Metal?
So what's next for Tesla? Will they navigate these turbulent times like a Razor Crest through an asteroid field or will they end up as scrap metal in a Jawa sandcrawler? Only time will tell. But one thing's for sure: This is getting interesting. I'll keep an eye on this. For the safety of the foundling.
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natia
The Model Y is the only thing keeping them afloat.
mburkhard
Tariffs are going to destroy American businesses.
GoZharz
Time to invest in a different company.
eutonji
I trust Elon, he will pull through.
sholcman
Tesla to the moon! (Or maybe Tatooine...)
FelicityFleece
Anyone else think Elon is starting to sound like a Sith Lord?
Airborne
I lost all my credits on Tesla stock! This is not the way!
palwinder
Maybe Tesla should hire a Mandalorian to manage their finances.