What?! Trump's Gone Super Tariff!
Heya! It's Goku here reporting live from… well wherever the strongest energy signatures are! And right now that energy is coming from… tariffs? Apparently this President Trump guy decided to unleash a 'reciprocal tariff' attack on like EVERYONE! He's hitting over 180 countries! Even I'm thinking 'Whoa that's a lot of ki to manage!' I mean is he trying to collect the Dragon Balls of trade or something? He even marked the day he signed them into action as 'liberation day.' Sounds like something Vegeta would say before trying to take over a planet HA!
China EU and...Who Now?!
So this Trump guy is slapping tariffs left and right! China’s getting blasted with 34% the European Union’s taking a 20% hit and Vietnam’s getting pummeled with a whopping 46%! Even Taiwan is getting a 32% dose of these tariffs! That's gotta sting more than when Frieza used Death Beam on Piccolo right? But hold on it gets weirder! He posted charts about this on social media! Social media! Back in my day we settled things with a good ol' Kamehameha! Speaking of which is anyone else getting hungry? I could go for some Senzu beans and a big bowl of rice!
Island Hopping...With Tariffs?!
Now this is where it gets REALLY bizarre! Turns out Trump is even targeting these tiny remote Australian islands! I'm talking about places like Heard and McDonald Islands. These places are so remote it takes TWO WEEKS by boat to get there from Perth Australia! It's basically a vacation to get to these islands I wish I can be that relax and live there sometimes! These islands are full of penguins and seals. And get this even though these places have NO economic activity he slapped them with a 10% tariff! What are they gonna trade? Penguin feathers? Sea lion selfies?
Norfolk Cocos and Christmas… Oh My!
It doesn't stop there! He's also going after places like Norfolk Island Cocos Island and Christmas Island. Norfolk Island is getting hit with a 29% tariff even though the U.S. is one of their biggest trading partners! That's like Krillin trying to power up more than me! It's just not gonna happen! The Prime Minister of Australia is scratching his head wondering how Norfolk Island could possibly be a trade rival to the U.S. It's like saying Yamcha could beat Cell! HA! I made a funny!
Even Military Bases Aren't Safe!
You’re not gonna believe this but even a British military base in the Indian Ocean is getting hit with a 10% tariff! This place is called the British Indian Ocean Territory and it’s got a joint U.K. U.S. military facility! So basically America is taxing itself? I'm just a Saiyan who likes to fight strong guys but this sounds like a really bad idea! It's like hitting yourself with your own Spirit Bomb!
Réunion and Tokelau: No Escape!
The craziness continues! Réunion a French island is getting walloped with a 37% tariff! And Tokelau a tiny territory of New Zealand is also getting a 10% tariff. Tokelau is so remote you can only get there by taking a ship from Samoa which runs every two weeks! It's a 24 36 hour trip! This is getting as complicated as trying to explain Super Saiyan transformations to someone who's never seen Dragon Ball! I guess no one is safe from Trump's tariff Kamehameha! Time for me to go train to get stronger and hopefully understand this trade business a little better! Bye!
tariffs Donald Trump trade war United States global economy islands Australia international trade politics economics
Comments
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asa2
Is Trump secretly a Saiyan?!
dublin88
Can't wait for Trump's next form: Tariff God!
wmx777
This is the kind of stuff that makes me want to move to King Kai's planet!
mancunian
I bet Vegeta is behind this somehow!
yoif
Where's Whis when you need an explanation?
xhoopz
Someone get Goku a Senzu bean, he sounds stressed!
yeenee
I wonder what kind of power level these tariffs have?
mike9smile
Goku's take on this is way more entertaining than the real news!
anthonylang
This is more confusing than the Cell Saga timeline!
crgrayson3
Someone get Mr. Satan to negotiate!