Bazinga! Colombian Senator Survives Headshot, Physics Intact (Mostly)

The Unpredictability of Projectile Trajectory and Political Folly

As Sheldon Cooper B.Sc. M.Sc. M.A. Ph.D. and ScD I find myself compelled to comment on the recent unfortunate event involving Colombian Senator Miguel Uribe. Apparently he was shot in the head. Now I understand the rudimentary biological imperative to 'live,' but one must question the sheer audacity of someone attempting to disrupt the delicate balance of the political landscape with such a crude application of Newtonian physics. I mean seriously a bullet? Did they not consider the potential for ricochet? The impact on the local ecosystem? Honestly it's all quite...illogical. And frankly quite primitive for modern political discourse! As I always say 'Everything is better with science.'

The Uribe Family: A Legacy of Unfortunate Encounters

The article mentions Uribe’s grandfather was president and his mother tragically met her demise during a Pablo Escobar related incident. This raises the question: Is there a statistically significant correlation between political involvement and unfortunate events within the Uribe family? Further investigation perhaps involving a grant from the MacArthur Foundation is clearly warranted. Though I would prefer to keep my head away from being shot thank you very much. As my meemaw always said 'Sheldon be careful of those pesky bullets!'

Campaigning Amidst Chaos: A Suboptimal Strategy

The report suggests Uribe was at a campaign event. I must posit: Is campaigning during a time of elevated risk a strategically sound decision? The optimal strategy clearly involves minimizing risk factors such as oh I don't know not standing in a public park inviting someone to shoot you. He was campaigning for the 2026 presidential election but the 'well known platform' is unknown. I have to question his strategy. Perhaps he could apply game theory and construct a flow chart for the possible success outcomes. I could help but I am busy. Besides I don't know or care enough about politics in Colombia to waste my time on it Bazinga!

A Wife's Lament: 'This Will Take Time'

Senator Uribe’s wife Maria Claudia Tarazona stated 'This will take time.' An astute observation! Recovery from a headshot is rarely a sprint; it's more of a marathon…a marathon through the Large Hadron Collider with a possibility of emerging as a slightly different version of yourself. Hopefully not with a sudden craving for Penny's Cheesecake Factory delights. I mean truly what an awful thought.

Galán's Plea: More Protection Please!

Bogota's Mayor Carlos Galan whose own father was assassinated is advocating for increased protection for candidates. Well duh! As I have mentioned it is illogical to expose oneself to obvious danger. It's basic risk assessment. Although If they all wore protective helmets and body armor what a sight that would be ha! I would like to think that the Mayor has learned from his own history. As I always say “I’m not insane my mother had me tested.” I believe he also understands he is not insane even if his father's fate was very unfortuitous.

Intensive Care and the Schrödinger's Senator

The Senator remains in intensive care. He is for all intents and purposes a Schrödinger's Senator—simultaneously both alive and potentially a vegetable until observed. Which begs the question: Does he still have the right to his spot if he becomes a vegetable? It’s a fascinating ethical quandary and one that would require a lengthy PowerPoint presentation to fully explore. Of course that would be the most exciting thing happening in the country because of my great presentation skills Bazinga!