Amazon's New 'ZeroOne' Team: Will It Be A Hero or Just Another Fire Phone Fiasco?

A Team of Legends... Or Just Regular Guys?

Madre de Dios! It appears Amazon in its infinite wisdom (and coffers) has assembled a new band of merry inventors! They call themselves 'ZeroOne,' a name that sounds like a robot butler from a futuristic fable. The mission should they choose to accept it? To conjure 'breakthrough' products from the ether. Led by a former Microsoft titan a hombre who helped birth the Xbox this team is spread thinner than my patience for poorly poured leche. Seattle San Francisco Sunnyvale...it's a regular pilgrimage of pixels!

From Zero to Hero... Or Zero to... Fire Phone?

Amazon's history with gadgets is more checkered than a Zorro's cape after a particularly messy duel. They've given us the Kindle a true friend to any literate gato and the Echo which listens to our every command (a little too well perhaps?). But let us not forget the Fire Phone a device so disappointing it made even Donkey shed a tear. And the Halo fitness tracker? More like a halo of shame! Will ZeroOne soar like a majestic eagle or plummet like a poorly aimed spitball? Only time (and consumer reviews) will tell.

Enter the Xbox Alchemist

The man at the helm this J Allard is no ordinary bandito. Nineteen years at Microsoft! He's the architect of the Xbox a contraption that brought joy to millions (and probably carpal tunnel to just as many). He also tinkered with the Zune a device so tragically uncool it makes me feel sorry for iPods everywhere. Allard joined Amazon last September. Perhaps he seeks redemption for past sins? Or maybe he just enjoys the free company coffee and those delicious cat naps…

Secrets and Whispers

What manner of marvels are these ZeroOnes concocting? Alas the job postings are as vague as a fortune teller's prophecy. Something about 'computer vision techniques for a new smart home product.' Ooh la la! Is Amazon planning to turn our homes into sentient fortresses? And a senior customer insights manager? Sounds like someone's getting paid to eavesdrop on our dreams all in the name of 'design thinking' and 'rapid experimentation.' Ay caramba!

Raiding the Ranks

To bolster their ranks Amazon has pilfered talent from its other divisions including the Alexa voice assistant crew (those chatty Cathy's) the Luna cloud gaming service (which I suspect is powered by actual moonbeams) and even the now defunct Halo sleep tracker (a device so boring it probably put *itself* to sleep). Even the head of a projection mapping startup called Lightform is in on the action. It seems like a big effort to create something revolutionary!

One Step Forward Two Steps Back?

Pero wait! While ZeroOne is expanding other parts of Amazon's gadget empire are shrinking faster than my ego after a bad hair day. Apparently about 100 employees have been given the boot including some working on Alexa Amazon Kids and even Lab126. It seems Amazon is playing a dangerous game of gadget musical chairs. Let us hope ZeroOne doesn't become another casualty in this cutthroat quest for consumer dominance.