Shell's Profits: May the Odds Be Ever in Their Favor?

Burn Baby Burn (Except Not Really)

Well folks seems like the oil barons over at Shell are still swimming in more dough than I ever saw in the Capitol. Adjusted earnings for the first quarter came in at $5.58 billion. That's right *billion*. I swear you'd think they were mining Avoxes for their gold fillings or something. It's enough to make you volunteer as tribute... to their accounting department maybe just to figure out where all that coin is going.

A Quarter's Worth of Quarters (or How the Rich Get Richer)

Okay so profits are down from last year – a whole 28% less! But don't shed a tear for them just yet. They're still launching another $3.5 billion share buyback program. Because you know that's what you do when you're a bit… strapped? It's their 14th consecutive quarter of buying back at least $3 billion. I'm starting to think they're just trying to corner the market on 'monopoly money' or something.

Even BP Can't Keep Up

Meanwhile over at BP things aren't quite as rosy. They had to *lower* their share buyback. I can almost hear Effie Trinket's voice now "Oh darling how *dreadfully* embarrassing!" Honestly though maybe they should invest in I don't know finding an alternative to fossil fuels? Just a thought.

Solid Results? Or Solid Gold?

Shell CEO Wael Sawan called these earnings "another solid set of results." Solid like a rock made of money maybe? He's real confident about kicking off another $3.5 billion buyback program which is good for them I guess. Meanwhile the rest of us are rationing our heating in the winter just saying.

Less Spending More Returns: The Capitol Strategy

They're also sticking to a reduced annual investment budget of $20 billion to $22 billion. Apparently they're going hard on liquified natural gas (LNG). Because nothing says 'future sustainability' like doubling down on fossil fuels right? It's like they're trying to win the Hunger Games of energy sources and the rest of us are just hoping to survive.

May the Odds Be Ever... Profitable?

So in the end Shell's profits are still rolling in and they're making sure their shareholders are happy. As for the rest of us well may the odds be ever in our favor that they'll actually invest some of that cash into something that doesn't involve burning the planet to a crisp. Because frankly I'm getting tired of living in a world that feels more and more like the arena every day.