Aw, HELL no! Tesla's Robotaxis Go Full 'Carlton Dance' in Austin!

Yo Did Tesla Just Pull a 'Parent's Just Don't Understand'?

Alright check it! Word on the street is Elon's ride Tesla got a call from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA). Apparently these robotaxis in Austin Texas are acting crazier than Carlton trying to breakdance. We talking videos going viral faster than my mixtapes back in West Philly showing these cars doing everything BUT driving normal. One even went full 'opposite day' going the wrong way! Man what is up with that? Seems like they need a GPS that says 'Yo home to Bel Air!' Not the wrong side of the road. Sheesh!

Braking Bad: Robotaxis and the 'Carlton Dance' of Driving

Then there's this other video of a Tesla slamming on the brakes harder than Aunt Viv when she sees me with a bad report card. The reason? Stationary police vehicles. I mean come on! Even I know you gotta chill around the cops but these cars are straight buggin'. NHTSA is all over it saying they're 'aware' and reaching out. That's Washington speak for 'Yo Tesla explain yourself before we hit you with fines bigger than Geoffrey's vocabulary!'

From Promises to Problems: Elon's 'Fresh Prince' Dreams of Self Driving

Now Elon's been promising us self driving cars since back when I was rocking high top fades. Back in 2015 he said 'full autonomy' in three years. Then in '16 he promised a cross country trip without human intervention. Fast forward to 2019 and he's talking about a MILLION robotaxis making money for their owners by 2020. Dude where's my cut?! It's like he watched 'The Fresh Prince' and thought life was gonna be easy breezy. News flash Uncle Phil ain't bailing out no robotaxis.

Meanwhile Back at the Ranch (or You Know Silicon Valley)

While Tesla's doing the 'running man' in Austin Alphabet's Waymo is out here racking up 10 million PAID trips. Even competitors in China are making moves. It's like everyone's at a party and Tesla's stuck trying to do the Carlton dance while everyone else is doing the Electric Slide. This ain't no Bel Air pool party it's a tech race!

The 'Early Access Program': More Like 'Early Stress Program'?

Tesla's got this 'early access program' where they're letting invited users try out these robotaxis. But get this most of these folks are Tesla promoters stock enthusiasts and CEO fanboys. So basically they're gonna say everything's great even if the car ends up in the Rose Garden. I'd rather take a bus with Jazz. At least then I know I'm in for a wild ride!

Shares Up but Dreams Delayed: The 'Reality Check' Episode

Look Tesla's stock went up 8% on the news but let's keep it a buck. Elon's way off from his promises. It's like trying to convince Uncle Phil to wear a backward hat and Timberlands. Not gonna happen no matter how much you try! Maybe Tesla needs to invite yours truly for a test drive. I'll keep it real even if that means telling Elon his robotaxis are more 'West Philadelphia' than 'Bel Air' right now.