Lyft Rises Like a Dragon! Targaryen Takeover?

Winter is NOT Coming (For Lyft's Profits)

Greetings my loyal subjects! Your Khaleesi Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen First of Her Name Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men Queen of Meereen Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons (and now apparently a market analyst!) brings tidings from a land far far away...the realm of Wall Street! I have it on good authority that Lyft one of those horseless carriage companies has seen its shares climb a majestic 23%! It seems their 'gross bookings' have grown. Perhaps they're finally learning to charge enough to keep their drivers from fleeing to Essos where the market for Unsullied chariot pullers is booming.

CEO Risher: 'Absolutely No Need to Worry!' (Famous Last Words?)

This David Risher fellow their chief boldly proclaimed on something called 'Squawk Box' that there's 'nothing to worry about.' Bold words! Has he never faced a Dothraki horde or a White Walker invasion? Still I suppose if he has dragons on his side... oh wait that's ME! He also boasts about his 'strong' team. Let's hope they're stronger than my advisors were when I decided to ahem 'liberate' King's Landing a bit *too* enthusiastically. Burn them all? Perhaps not in this case. Invest in them all? Maybe!

Gross Bookings: They Grew! (Huzzah?)

Apparently Lyft's 'gross bookings' increased by 13% which sounds impressive even if I'm not entirely sure what 'gross bookings' *are*. It's like trying to understand the Iron Bank's accounting practices – a fool's errand! All that matters is that they made more coin enough perhaps to buy Drogon a mountain of roasted oxen. They’ve had 16 straight periods of ‘gross bookings growth’. It is known as my good friend Jorah would say.

Rides Revenue and Repurchases: A Trifecta of...Something!

Rides are up revenue is *almost* up and they're buying back shares like I buy Unsullied armies! Sounds like they're hoarding their gold before someone like Euron Greyjoy decides to launch a hostile takeover. And I'm all for share repurchases – perhaps I should buy back all those terrible PR decisions from season eight. The board also authorized boosting Lyft's share repurchase plan to $750 million from $500 million. That’s a lot of dragons… I mean dollars.

Activist Investor Bends the Knee (For Now)

An 'activist investor' – sounds like a particularly annoying member of the Small Council – has called off their campaign after Lyft started buying back shares. They must have seen the Mother of Dragons circling overhead! If they hadn't bent the knee they would have faced FIRE AND BLOOD! But fear not I am a just queen so there will be no burning of hedge funds today… perhaps tomorrow.

Uber Shudders Goldman Sachs Sings Lyft's Praises

Even Uber Lyft's competitor felt a chill this week! But fear not for Goldman Sachs has upgraded Lyft like a noble house raising its banners for the rightful queen. So fellow investors heed my words: Lyft may be the ride sharing company that will break the wheel. And perhaps with a little help from my dragons we can all fly a little higher. Now if you'll excuse me I have a small council meeting to attend. Someone keeps suggesting we replace all the horses in King’s Landing with… well you can guess.