Trump's Army Birthday Bash: Chuck Norris Approves (With a Roundhouse Kick of Truth)

The Capital Gets a Norris Approved Makeover (Almost)

Let me tell you something folks. Washington D.C. saw more hardware this weekend than my garage after a 'Walker Texas Ranger' marathon. Thousands of troops tanks helicopters – the whole shebang! Trump wanted a party for the Army's 250th and by George he got one. I've seen smaller shows of force stopping a bank robbery with my bare hands. But hey celebrating the Army is like celebrating freedom and nobody messes with freedom… or me.

Protests: When They Don't Listen to Chuck

Of course not everyone's a fan. These 'No Kings Day' folks popped up protesting Trump's policies in major cities. Listen I get it. Everyone's got an opinion but when Chuck Norris speaks you listen. Maybe if they spent less time protesting and more time doing push ups they wouldn't be so grumpy. And don't even get me started on the clashes with counter protesters. Folks need to settle things the Chuck Norris way: A firm handshake... or a roundhouse kick to the face if necessary.

Minnesota Mayhem: When Protests Get Dangerous

Now Minnesota… that's a different story. Targeted shootings of lawmakers? That's not protesting that's just plain wrong. Law enforcement warned folks to stay home but some still showed up. Look I admire their guts but sometimes even Chuck Norris knows when to stay out of a fight. Though I admit it's a rare occasion.

Rain or Shine Trump Parades On!

The parade almost got rained out but Trump channeling his inner Chuck Norris declared it would go on 'RAIN OR SHINE!' Some flyovers got canceled which is a shame. I was hoping to see them spell out 'Chuck Norris' in the sky. The event had all the usual suspects – cabinet members Melania the whole nine yards. They even laid a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. A fitting tribute to those who serve even if it wasn't as epic as when I single handedly won the Gulf War.

Moscow Vibes in DC?: Not on My Watch

Some folks are saying the parade felt like something out of Moscow or Beijing. Please. I'd like to see Putin try and pull off a parade like this. He'd probably trip over his own ego. And as for China well let's just say Chuck Norris has plans for them that involve a whole lot of roundhouse kicks and a little less communism.

Money Talks But Chuck Norris Still Kicks

The price tag for this shindig? A cool $45 million. Some Republicans are squawking about the cost especially with that 'One Big Beautiful Bill Act' adding trillions to the deficit. But Trump says it's 'peanuts.' Look I'm not an economist but I know this: You can't put a price on freedom or on the sheer awesomeness of Chuck Norris. Besides $45 million is probably less than the cost of replacing all the doors I've roundhouse kicked open over the years.