Chuck Norris: When Diplomacy Fails, the U.S. Military Steps In (And I'm Not Just Talking About Movies)

Roundhouse Kick to Regional Instability

Let me tell you something. Iran decided to play with fire and when you play with fire you get burned. Unless Chuck Norris is around then the fire gets a roundhouse kick to the face. Word on the street (and by 'street,' I mean NBC News) is that the United States military is helping Israel intercept Iranian missiles. Now I'm not one to brag but when America steps in things tend to go from zero to 'problem solved' faster than you can say 'Walker Texas Ranger.'

American Steel Defending Freedom

Apparently those fancy Navy destroyers off the coast of Israel weren't just there for a tan. They were ready to intercept those aerial threats faster than I can reload a six shooter. And the THAAD and Patriot batteries? Those are the kind of defensive moves that make bad guys think twice. Remember I don't dodge bullets. Bullets dodge me. But even I appreciate a good defensive strategy when someone else is paying for it.

Trump's Two Cents (Which is Probably Worth More Than That)

Even the big man himself President Trump had something to say about this whole situation. He's pretty pleased with Israel's equipment which is American made of course. And he's right! The finest equipment in the world! You know I once used a U.S. military grade toothpick to single handedly disarm a nuclear warhead. True story. Look it up... if you dare.

Iran's 'Hard Retaliation' – More Like a Soft Pillow Fight

Iran's claiming this is a 'powerful and decisive response.' I've seen more power in a kitten sneezing. 'Hundreds of ballistic missiles'? Sounds like they're compensating for something. Luckily Israel has its own defense systems and now they're getting a little help from Uncle Sam. It seems they need Chuck Norris but for now they will take what they can get.

Markets Tumble – But Chuck Norris Remains Unshaken

The stock market took a hit? The Dow Jones took a dive? So what. Chuck Norris doesn't worry about the stock market. The stock market worries about Chuck Norris. I trade in freedom justice and roundhouse kicks. Those are always bullish markets.

Diplomacy? Never Heard of Her!

And of course the nuclear negotiations are off. News flash: the only negotiation I need is with my fist and your face. Iran wants to enrich uranium for 'peaceful purposes'? Sure and I'm just an ordinary actor. Trump's right – they need to make a deal 'before there is nothing left.' Because when I get involved there's going to be even LESS left than 'nothing'. You have been warned.