Elon's American Party: Is This Guy Serious? Captain Marvel Weighs In!

Another Rich Guy's Midlife Crisis? Oh Boy!

Okay Earthlings Captain Marvel here reporting live from… well wherever there's trouble brewing. And apparently that's now the political arena? Word on the street – or rather the intergalactic comms network – is that Elon Musk the guy who wants to send everyone to Mars (good luck with that buddy space is crowded enough already!) has decided to start his own political party. He's calling it the 'American Party.' Real creative Elon. Real creative. Last time I checked forming a political party wasn't on the list of things to do after a bad breakup but hey who am I to judge? Maybe he's just trying to fill the void with…legislation? All I know is the last time I saw someone this determined to control everything it was Ronan the Accuser trying to wipe out Xandar. And trust me nobody wants a repeat of that.

X Marks the Spot: Elon's X Poll Decides Fate of America?

So apparently this whole 'American Party' thing came about because Elon ran a poll on X formerly known as Twitter. You know that thing Earthlings are addicted to? And a whopping 65.4% of respondents voted in favor. Folks is this really how we're making decisions now? Should I start polling the Kree about whether or not I should wear my red boots with my blue suit? 'Cause I am so doing that! Back to the news if I let social media decide my next missions I'd probably be stuck rescuing cats from trees all day. But hey at least that's less likely to lead to intergalactic war I guess.

Tariff Tango: Trump Teases Investors Tremble

Meanwhile back in the real world – or as real as it gets these days – Trump is doing his usual tariff tango threatening to slap extra taxes on stuff coming into the country. He has announced that those tariffs will kick in a month later than expected which could boomerang back to April levels for countries without deals. The markets are getting the jitters Europe's Stoxx 600 index dropped 0.48% and investors are running around like chickens with their heads cut off. I swear sometimes I think Earthlings actually *enjoy* creating drama. Can't we all just get along? Maybe I need to go full Binary and blast some sense into everyone.

OPEC+ Pumps More: Fueling the Fire...Literally?

And as if that weren't enough OPEC+ decided to pump out even *more* oil. Seriously? Is anyone thinking about you know the planet? The environment? The fact that we're all going to be living on a giant fiery ball of doom if we don't get our act together? I've seen planets with less pollution than Earth. And those planets were destroyed by space pirates! Time to pull an Iron Man and invent some sustainable energy solutions here people!

Wall Street Wobbles: European Equities Get the Side Eye

Wall Street is getting all twitchy about European equities too. The Stoxx 600 index has risen 6.6% year to date. Analysts however think the foundations of that growth could be shaky. Investors are getting cautious and analysts are starting to think the whole thing might come crashing down. It's like watching a Jenga tower built by a Skrull in disguise. You know it's going to fall but you just can't look away!

CEOs: It's Not Just About Winning Anymore (Thank Goodness!)

Finally some *good* news! Apparently CEOs are finally realizing that it's not all about winning. Who knew? They're navigating geopolitical shocks economic volatility and rapid tech shifts like the rest of us. McLaren Racing CEO Zak Brown says it's all about urgency momentum and learning from failure. Maybe there's hope for humanity after all. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go stop a Kree invasion. Or maybe just rescue a cat from a tree. Depends on what the X poll says.