Shiver Me Timbers! Markets Go Topsy-Turvy as Israel and Iran Lock Horns!

Why is the Rum Gone? Oh wait it's Just the Markets!

Savvy? 'Tis I Captain Jack Sparrow here to chart the turbulent waters of the financial world! Seems some blokes in pointy hats and others with even pointier missiles are having a right ol' dust up. Israel they say gave Iran's nuclear whatchamacallits a bit of a tickle. And wouldn't you know it the markets are acting like a drunken sailor on shore leave! 'Why is the rum always gone?' Because everyone's runnin' off to hide their doubloons! Deutsche Bank bless their bureaucratic souls reckon it's all a bit of a kerfuffle leading to 'significant fears' and 'strong risk off moves.' Blimey!

Gold the Only Treasure Worth Fighting For (Besides Rum of Course)

Gold that shiny alluring temptress she's the belle of the ball again! Aye she hit nearly a two month high up 1.1% like a crab scuttling sideways! It seems everyone's hoarding gold like a pirate hoards treasure – sensible folk I say! August futures were up even more! Perhaps I should invest some of my... ahem... *acquired* wealth. Though truth be told I'd rather spend it on a lifetime supply of rum. Priorities savvy?

Treasury Prices Rise? Lower Yields? Sounds Like a Taxing Situation!

The U.S. Treasury prices are up! Which means yields are down. Now I'm no accountant (numbers and I have a 'complicated' relationship) but even I know that when those fancy government bonds get popular everyone gets a little less… exuberant! Like being told there’s no more rum on the ship! Three basis points they say – sounds like a pirate’s share to me! Though less beneficial.

Stocks Plunge! More Like Walk the Plank!

European stocks are taking a nosedive faster than a man overboard! And the U.S. stock futures? Plummeting like a cannonball dropped from the crow's nest! Investors are fleeing faster than I flee responsibility. But who can blame them? In times like these stability is rarer than an honest politician. Though the bar is on the floor with that one.

Oil Prices Skyrocket! Blame Iran of Course!

Ah oil! The black gold that makes the world go round...or explode depending on who you ask! Prices are soaring like a hawk after a seagull! Up as much as 13% they were! That's like finding a hidden treasure chest filled with... well oil! Seems everyone's worried about Iran retaliating and disrupting the flow. And let's be honest a world without oil is like a ship without sails. You're not going anywhere fast.

The Dollar the Franc and the Yen Walk Into a Bar...

In the world of currencies the U.S. dollar the Swiss franc and the Japanese yen are all having a party. They're the 'safe havens' you see the boring but reliable friends who don't gamble away all their money at the first sign of trouble. The dollar index is up too. All a bit predictable really. If they were pirates they'd be the ones meticulously planning their heists instead of just winging it like yours truly. Where's the fun in that?