Holy Guacamole! Dreamliner Disaster: Did Someone Forget the Pet Food?

Alllllrighty Then! A Case of the Mondays... and Tuesdays Wednesdays...

Greetings Earthlings! Ace Ventura here Pet Detective extraordinaire and now apparently accidental aviation investigator. Word on the street (or you know the internet) is that an Air India Boeing 787 Dreamliner took a nosedive faster than my career trajectory after trying to teach a shark to yodel. This wasn't just any crash; this was a 'kaboom!' of epic proportions right after takeoff from Ahmedabad India. Can you say 'Bad day at Black Rock'?

Sole Survivor? Sounds Fishy!

Apparently there was only ONE survivor out of 242 souls on board. One! That's like finding a single clean sock in my laundry basket. Suspicious I tell you! Very suspicious. And the plane? Headed for London Gatwick. Was someone trying to smuggle exotic animals across international borders? Was there a rare breed of parrot on board that someone wanted to silence permanently? These are the questions that keep me up at night besides the raccoons in my attic.

Fireball?! Sounds Like a Party... Gone Wrong.

Video footage shows the Dreamliner descending followed by a fireball and a dark plume of smoke. Fireball! That's not a good sign unless you're making s'mores. And this marks the first fatal crash of Boeing's 787 Dreamliner. Now I'm no expert (okay maybe I am at finding missing Shih Tzus) but even I know that 'first fatal crash' is code for 'Houston we have a problem!'

Students? Say It Ain't So!

Adding insult to injury this flying metal deathtrap crashed into a building full of students. Students! That's like kicking a puppy... if the puppy was studying for their finals. Apparently approximately 294 people kicked the bucket. Folks that’s not just a tragedy it’s a travesty… a mockery… of a sham… of a mockery… of a travesty! (You know like my dating life.)

625 Feet and Falling? Even I Can Do Better Than That!

The plane only reached a maximum barometric altitude of 625 feet before plummeting faster than my social life at a vegan convention. Seriously folks 625 feet? I've jumped higher trying to catch a rogue pigeon! Flightradar24 data indicates a vertical speed of 475 feet per minute during the descent. Which is why I would never be a pilot!

Boeing and GE Scramble: Smells Like Cover Up To Me!

Boeing CEO Kelly Ortberg and GE Aerospace are all over this thing like fleas on Fido. Canceling trips to the Paris Air Show offering condolences promising investigations... Sure sounds legit. But I've seen this before. Remember Snowflake the missing dolphin? Turns out he was just chilling in a luxury spa courtesy of a jealous rival aquarium owner. Alrighty then! So while the 'experts' do their thing I'll be sniffing around for the real story. Maybe it's sabotage maybe it's a faulty pet carrier maybe it’s Maybelline. Stay tuned folks because this pet detective is on the case!