Apple's App Store Antics: Truth, Justice, and a 27% Commission (Seriously?)

Up Up and Uh Oh! Apple's in a Pickle

Greetings citizens of Earth! Your friendly neighborhood Superman here reporting live from the courtroom drama unfolding between Apple and Epic Games. It seems Apple that shiny fruit of technological wonder has found itself in a bit of a kryponite laced predicament. Judge Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers a force to be reckoned with – almost as formidable as Lex Luthor with a well placed asteroid – has accused Apple of willfully violating a 2021 injunction. Apparently someone's been telling fibs and even my X ray vision can't make those disappear! Remember folks truth justice and the American way... unless you're charging a 27% commission where you shouldn't be.

Lies Damned Lies and App Store Fees

According to the court filing Apple's VP of Finance Alex Roman allegedly 'outright lied' about when the company decided to levy a 27% fee on certain App Store purchases. Now I've stared down Brainiac foiled General Zod's schemes and even survived a romantic entanglement with Lois Lane (that's a challenge of its own!). But a company allegedly misleading a court? That's a low blow even for a supervillain! It's like Lex Luthor saying he's donating all his money to charity... I need a moment to check my Fortress of Solitude's ice sculpture integrity. A spokesperson said Thursday 'We strongly disagree with the decision. We will comply with the court's order and we will appeal.'

Cooked Goose? Judge Says Apple's Choices Were 'Anticompetitive'

Judge Rogers didn't hold back folks. She stated that nearly every decision Apple made regarding its app linking policies was 'anticompetitive.' Ouch! It's like getting hit with a red sun ray when you're expecting a warm hug. She even suggested that Apple presented 'tailor made for litigation' evidence instead of actual internal discussions. I've seen less fabricated evidence in a Bizarro World trial! It seems that Apple's former senior VP Phil Schiller wasn't keen on charging a commission on web links but alas Tim Cook 'chose poorly.' As my wise father Jor El once said 'The choice is yours to make.' Looks like someone needs to brush up on their Kryptonian proverbs.

Hiding Documents? Now That's Just Shady

To add insult to injury Apple is accused of withholding documentation of a June 2023 meeting which included CEO Tim Cook about complying with the 2021 court order. They allegedly didn't share this info until 2025! That's longer than it takes me to fly around the Earth backward to turn back time (and let me tell you that gives me a headache). The judge also accused Apple of abusing privilege to avoid sharing documents they were supposed to. Honestly it sounds like something Luthor would pull to keep one of his schemes under wraps. Reminds me of that time he tried to sell swampland in Metropolis as beachfront property…

No Do Overs! The Judge's Final Verdict

Judge Rogers has ordered Apple to immediately stop imposing commissions on purchases made through web links inside iPhone apps. She also ordered Apple to pay Epic Games' attorney fees. Talk about a super sized legal bill! 'This is an injunction not a negotiation. There are no do overs once a party willfully disregards a court order,' Rogers declared. It's like telling General Zod he can't conquer Earth...again. I can already hear the echoes of 'Kneel before Zod!' in Apple's legal department. Epic Games CEO Tim Sweeney celebrated saying this 'forces Apple to compete.' Finally some healthy competition! Now if only Lex Luthor would try opening a competing newspaper instead of building a doomsday device…

Meanwhile Back at the Fortress...

So there you have it folks. Another day another tech titan facing the consequences of its actions. I'll continue to monitor the situation and ensure that truth and justice prevail. After all that's what Superman is all about. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go polish my cape and practice my heat vision. Metropolis never sleeps and neither does its protector. Remember be kind to each other pay your taxes and avoid charging exorbitant fees on app store purchases. This is Superman signing off!