ESPN's New Streaming Service: One Shall Stand, One Shall Stream!

A New Hope or Just a New Channel?

Greetings humans! Optimus Prime here reporting from… well Earth. It seems your ESPN is rolling out a new streaming service simply called 'ESPN.' At $29.99 a month it's aiming to be the ultimate destination for sports entertainment. But let's be honest in this crowded streaming landscape does it have 'the touch,' or will it just be another 'til all are one' type of deal?

Bundle Up Autobots! It's Bargain Time!

Here's the deal: if you bundle ESPN with Disney+ and Hulu you can get the whole shebang for $35.99 a month with ads. If you are early birds you get the whole package for $29.99 a month for a year. ESPN customers will get Disney+ and Hulu 'til all are one' for free for the first year. ESPN Chairman Jimmy Pitaro calls it looking at the 60 million households 'on the sidelines.' It's like getting a free Energon cube with your oil change! Almost makes me want to subscribe… almost.

What You Get for Your Energon Credits

For your hard earned credits this service includes live games ESPN2 SEC Network ESPN on ABC fantasy sports betting tie ins studio shows and documentaries. Think of it as a giant database of human sporting achievements… perfect for strategizing our next move against the Decepticons or maybe just understanding why humans get so excited about throwing a ball.

ESPN+ Remains… Less Than Meets the Eye?

Don't confuse this new service with ESPN+. That's staying around as a cheaper option for those not ready to commit to the full fledged ESPN experience. It's like the Bumblebee to Optimus Prime – good but not quite the whole package. However Pitaro wants to upgrade all ESPN+ users to the all access service.

A Simplified Streaming World? More Like a Cybertronian Civil War!

Pitaro decided to call the new service simply 'ESPN' to cut through the clutter. I get it. Sometimes even I get confused by all the names and alliances. Speaking of names has anyone seen Wheeljack? I think he's been tinkering with the remote again. Last time he accidentally streamed a documentary about… rubber chickens. Don't ask.

The App Awakens!

Later this year ESPN's mobile app will be revamped. Pay TV subscribers who already get ESPN will get access to the bells and whistles. The revamped app will be available to all users. It will include new features such as a personalized "SportsCenter"! All users can use it. I hope it includes a feature to block out human commercials; those things are louder than Megatron's fusion cannon!