Shaken, Not Stirred: Southwest Airlines Ditches Free Bags, Chasing Goldfinger's Fortune

A Farewell to Freebies: The End of an Era

Well well well what do we have here? It seems Southwest Airlines a carrier once known for its generosity – a trait as rare as a Bond villain with a sensible plan – is now charging for checked bags. Starting Wednesday the days of 'two bags fly free' are over for many. I must say it's a bit like finding out Blofeld has traded his cat for a goldfish; utterly disappointing. For a bloke who appreciates a well packed bag (and a perfectly mixed martini) this news is unsettling. Though I suppose I can't blame them for trying to squeeze every last penny like Goldfinger attempting to corner the gold market. They're saying it's because everyone else is doing it and because some activist investor put them up to it. A likely story.

The Price of Convenience: Licence to Spend

The details as always are where the devil resides. Thirty five dollars for the first bag forty five for the second. One could buy a decent bottle of Bollinger for that kind of money! However there are of course exceptions. Top tier loyalty members and those flashing a Southwest credit card get to keep their freebies. It's a bit like having a 'get out of jail free' card isn't it? The airline bigwigs are trying to give the impression that these changes are not a problem but I can see straight through them. I've encountered enough charlatans and crooks over the years to spot one when I see one.

Basic Instincts: The Rise of Basic Economy

As if the baggage fee wasn't enough Southwest is also introducing a 'basic economy' ticket the likes of which have become commonplace in the airline industry. Think of it as the airline equivalent of a villain's monologue – long convoluted and ultimately designed to extract more from you. With these tickets changes are impossible boarding is last and credits expire faster than a shaken martini loses its fizz. They are also axing their Wanna Get Away fare replacing it with this new stripped down offering. How wonderfully villainous.

Shaken Not Assigned: Seating Shenanigans

And hold on to your hats folks because there's more! Southwest is also abandoning its open seating model. Soon you'll be able to pay extra for the privilege of selecting your seat. It seems Southwest is taking a leaf from the book of every Bond villain who ever charged exorbitant prices for their henchmen's loyalty. Extra legroom seats of course will also be available at a premium. It's all about extracting maximum value isn't it? They've really gone to the dogs!

Carry On Chaos: A Flight of Overbooked Fancy

Of course all this means passengers will try to bring everything on board. Southwest claims they're prepared with larger overhead bins and mobile bag tag printers. But I suspect it will be as chaotic as a pre title sequence involving a crowded marketplace and a dozen exploding vehicles. I can only hope their staff are as resourceful as Q when dealing with the inevitable onslaught of oversized luggage and disgruntled passengers. Time will tell.

No Time to Complain: The Public Responds

Predictably the internet is ablaze with fury. Southwest can't even post about cute babies or puppies without attracting a barrage of angry comments. Yet the CEO claims that bookings haven't declined. Perhaps the public is simply resigned to the fact that even airlines like Bond villains are ultimately driven by greed. Or maybe they are all in denial. I will continue to monitor the situation closely. After all one never knows when a simple baggage fee might lead to a global conspiracy.