Trump Trade Deals? America Doesn't Negotiate, It Roundhouse Kicks Economies!

Deals? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Deals!

Let me tell you something about deals. When Chuck Norris makes a deal the deal doesn't get signed it gets a roundhouse kick to the face. President Trump bless his heart says the US doesn't need to 'sign deals.' He's right! America doesn't negotiate it dictates. It's like when I order a steak. I don't ask how it's cooked I tell the cow. And the cow delivers.

Trump's Trade Judo: Use Their Momentum Against Them!

Trump's frustrated about everyone asking 'when are you signing deals?' I get it. It's like asking Chuck Norris 'when are you going to stop being awesome?' The answer is never! Trump knows these countries want a piece of the American market. Well they can have it… after paying the Chuck Norris premium. Which coincidentally is all of their GDP.

The Chuck Norris Plan: 100 Deals in One Roundhouse!

Trump's promising 100 deals. Ambitious but achievable. Especially if he employs the Chuck Norris Method. It involves a map a phone and a very stern voice. And maybe a roundhouse kick or two just for emphasis. When Chuck Norris sends in his offer it's already accepted!

Luxury Goods: Priced for World Domination!

Trump wants to turn the US into a 'super luxury store.' Smart man! The price tag? High. The quality? Higher. The consequences for haggling? You don't want to know. Let’s just say it involves a stare that can melt steel and a right hook that can correct the Earth's rotation.

Markets Shakin' Like a Leaf in a Hurricane?

The markets are jittery investors are nervous but fear not! Chuck Norris is here. I’ve seen worse. Like the time I accidentally created a black hole by sneezing. The markets will recover. They always do. Especially when they know Chuck Norris is watching… and waiting… with his patented economic realignment techniques.

Chuck's Verdict: America's Still Got It!

So what's the bottom line? Trump's playing 4D chess while everyone else is playing checkers. The US economy is strong. The US is still the greatest. And Chuck Norris will personally ensure that everyone knows it. So buckle up buttercups. It's going to be a wild ride. Remember when you gamble against Chuck Norris you're betting against yourself.