Trump Meets Retail Giants! But Will Their Prices Survive My Roundhouse Kick?

The Oval Office: Where Deals Are Made and Roundhouse Kicks Are Feared

President Trump a man who understands power invited the CEOs of Walmart Target and Home Depot to his humble abode. Seems he wanted a chat about tariffs. Tariffs! As if a simple tax can intimidate Chuck Norris. Tariffs are just another obstacle and obstacles are just opportunities for roundhouse kicks. But I digress. These CEOs bless their hearts probably felt like they were walking into a cage with a lion. Little do they know I *am* the lion...the one who advises the lion tamer.

Walmart's a Fortress Target's in the Crosshairs

Walmart's CFO is boasting about two thirds of their products being made in America. Good for them! But that remaining third? That's where Chuck Norris comes in. I can personally source those products from… well let's just say places where tariffs are merely a suggestion. Target on the other hand sounds like they're facing a squad of ninjas armed with price tags. Stagnant revenue? 1% sales growth? They need a dose of Chuck Norris’s reality. When Chuck Norris shops at Target the prices go down just by staring at them.

Home Depot: Building a Wall Against Tariffs

Home Depot. Now that's a place I can respect. Lumber tools enough nails to build a fortress. If these tariffs get too high I'll just chop down my own trees and forge my own steel. When Chuck Norris builds a house he doesn't need a hammer. He just whispers and the house assembles itself. Tariffs are just extra steps for Home Depot and when Chuck Norris takes steps the earth shakes.

Lowe's: The Missing Link (Or Maybe They Just Know Better)

Lowe's was supposed to be there then wasn't. Maybe they saw the writing on the wall (probably built with Home Depot lumber). Or maybe they just knew I'd be watching. Either way smart move. When Chuck Norris doesn't attend a meeting everyone assumes it's because they're not worthy.

Retailers Unite! Or At Least Issue Identical Statements

"Productive meeting," "insights shared," "committed to delivering value." Sounds like corporate bingo to me. But hey at least they're talking. When retailers talk Chuck Norris listens. And when Chuck Norris listens the market trembles.

The National Retail Federation: Sounding the Alarm (And Probably Selling Toasters)

The NRF is worried about higher prices. They say tariffs will hurt American families. They’re right. But fear not! Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick inflation into submission. He can also make a toaster toast bread just by thinking about it. So bring on the tariffs. Chuck Norris is ready.