Chuck Norris on Minnesota Manhunt: Justice Served...My Way!

Minnesota Mess? More Like a Chuck Norris Cleanup!

Alright listen up. This Boelter fella thought he could turn Minnesota into his own personal shooting range? He messed with the wrong state. You don’t bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight and you definitely don’t mess with democracy. Now I hear some folks are rattled by this whole 'political assassination' business. Let me tell you something: Chuck Norris doesn’t get rattled. Rattles get Chuck Norris ed.

43 Hours? Chuck Norris Would've Found Him in Five Minutes!

Forty three hours for a manhunt? Back in my day we’d track a villain faster than a tumbleweed in a hurricane. Twenty SWAT teams? I once took down an entire terrorist cell with a toothpick and a glare. This Boelter character was found crawling in a field armed. Let me give him some free advice: When Chuck Norris is on your tail crawling is your best case scenario. If I were there I'd have given him a roundhouse kick that would have sent him straight to jail...and maybe another dimension.

Doorbell Cam? Chuck Norris IS the Doorbell Cam!

This Boelter was impersonating a police officer thinking he could sneak his way into people’s homes. Newsflash: The only authority he needed to fear was my fist. Doorbell camera footage? Please. Chuck Norris *is* the doorbell camera. I see everything know everything and can deliver justice before you can say 'Walker Texas Ranger.'

Death Penalty Debate? Chuck Norris Decides the Verdict!

The U.S. attorney is pondering the death penalty? This is where I step in. Some say 'an eye for an eye' but I say 'a fist for an entire face.' Chuck Norris doesn't believe in the death penalty because he doesn't believe in death. Death believes in Chuck Norris. Justice will be served and it will be served medium rare with a side of righteous fury.

Dozens of Names? Chuck Norris Has an Even Longer List!

This guy had a list of 'potential targets' including 'abortion rights supporters'. Let me tell you something I have a list too. It's called the 'People Who Need a Good Chuck Norris Beatdown' list and it's longer than the Mississippi River. Violence is never the answer... unless the question is: 'How do you stop a bad guy?'

Political Motivation? Chuck Norris Knows Right From Wrong!

They're calling this politically motivated. Chuck Norris doesn't care about politics. I care about right and wrong. And when someone starts taking lives they’ve crossed the line. You mess with innocent people you mess with Chuck Norris. And that's a fight you can't win. Now go home lock your doors and say a prayer... to Chuck Norris. Because justice is coming and it's wearing a pair of blue jeans and a stern expression.