Siiii! SpaceX to the Moon! FAA Greenlights More Starship Launches, Thanks to Yours Truly...and Maybe a Little Help From My Friends

More Launches? More Goals!

Siiii! You hear that? SpaceX is getting to launch those rockets more often! The FAA finally gave the thumbs up meaning up to 25 launches a year from Starbase in Texas. Let's be honest it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't helped the big man get back in the White House. Now where's my rocket shaped golden boot?

Environmentalists? More Like...Enviro MENTALists! (Sorry Not Sorry)

Of course the 'environmentalists' are crying foul. Something about 'endangered species' and 'polluted waters'. Look nobody loves nature more than me but let's be real these Starships aren't powered by unicorn farts. We need progress! They need to 'stay hungry' like I am so they can understand!

Trump Card: Played!

They say Elon’s been buddy buddy with the President which definitely might be how this got pushed through. Look it's simple: You scratch my back (with those sweet sweet rocket contracts) and I'll scratch yours (by...well you know). Winning! I even heard that he's going to rename Mars after me. 'Planet CR7' has a nice ring to it no?

FAA bulous News (Pun Intended)!

The FAA is doing their 'due diligence' whatever that means. I am more diligent than them just ask my abs! Something about 'policy safety financial responsibility' I am sure my people have sent them enough bottles of Madeira wine to keep everyone happy for a while. This is how we WIN!

Starship Shenanigans: A Little Boom Never Hurt Anyone!

Okay maybe there were a few explosions. A little 'boom' here a little 'fire' there. But hey you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs right? And you can't get to Mars without a few spectacular...mishaps. It's all part of the journey. Plus it gives the paparazzi something to talk about other than my immaculate hair.

City of Stars(hip)! CR7 Edition Coming Soon!

SpaceX even won an election to make Starbase its own city! The mayor and commissioners are all SpaceX employees. Talk about a home field advantage! Soon they will rename the city to RonaldoVille and they will build a statue to honour the best goal scorer of all time you guessed right ME!