Mike Waltz Out! Is This Another CR7 Bicycle Kick Gone Wrong?

Siiiiiiiii...gnal Failure?

Alright folks Cristiano Ronaldo here reporting on something that's apparently news but let's be honest it's no Champions League final. Seems like Mike Waltz is out of the Trump administration. Why? Some Signal app shenanigans. Apparently he created a chat group and someone leaked the details of the texts to The Atlantic Editor Jeffrey Goldberg. Honestly if you're going to discuss top secret plans maybe don't use an app that's less secure than my free kick wall. These guys need my winning mentality they are clearly missing a trick or two. This situation reminds me when I scored an own goal but fortunately it's not mine. Imagine the headlines if I was involved you can't keep a good man down!

Hegseth's Hot Water Waltz's Walk

Now Pete Hegseth is also catching heat because he spilled the tea on these Signal chats – even to his wife and attorney! Talk about oversharing. Trump says Hegseth is "safe" while Waltz is "fine". Sounds like a reality show elimination round! It's like when I see other players trying to copy my skills – flattering but let's be real there's only one Ronaldo. Trump needs to unleash his inner Ronaldo and make some tactical substitutions. The pitch is getting messy as ever maybe he should call me? I'm always happy to help.

Schumer's Scathing Opinion

Chuck Schumer is saying "Fire Waltz but fire Hegseth first!" Ouch! That's like saying Messi is better than me... almost unbelievable. Schumer clearly wants some drama but in my world drama is only acceptable if it involves scoring a last minute winner or having a great comeback. This Waltz guy he’s getting more attention than my newest CR7 underwear line! Not on my watch!.

Flynn's Fall Deja Vu?

This situation is giving me flashbacks to Michael Flynn's resignation in 2017. Remember that? Lied to Pence the FBI the whole shebang. Trump pardoned him later. Politics am I right? It is more twisted than one of my step over skills. I am glad it is them and not me but the real question is can anyone truly dribble around controversy like I dribble around defenders?

My Takeaway: Be More Like CR7

The lesson here? Always be on your A game like yours truly. Don't use insecure messaging apps for national security matters. And if you're going to be in a chat group make sure Jeffrey Goldberg isn't lurking. I mean come on these guys are clearly slacking. Maybe they should take a masterclass in my winning mentality. They would be lucky to learn a thing or two from the best.

Siiiiiiiii...mmering Out!

So Waltz is out. Is the world ending? Nah. Will I lose sleep over it? Absolutely not. But hey at least it's a reminder that even in politics there's always room for a little... *checks notes* ...chaos. Now if you'll excuse me I have some bicycle kicks to practice. Stay tuned for my next report where I will teach you how to be like Ronaldo in Politics. Siiiiiiii!