ALLLLRIGHTY THEN! Schultz Does a Cartwheel Over New Starbucks Boss - Is Coffee Culture Saved?

Holy Coffee Beans Batman!

Alrighty then! Ace Ventura here Pet Detective extraordinaire and now… BUSINESS ANALYST?! Turns out even I the master of finding missing mammals gotta keep up with the big leagues. And the biggest league in caffeine right now is Starbucks baby! Word on the street – or rather on CNBC – is that Howard Schultz the Yoda of Starbucks did a CARTWHEEL when he heard Brian Niccol's plan to get 'back to Starbucks.' A cartwheel! I haven't seen moves like that since I infiltrated the Snowflake tryouts! This is HUGE. Like finding a missing dolphin in a desert HUGE.

Laxman Gets the Boot: A Tale of Two Successors

So Niccol swooped in after Laxman Narasimhan got the… ahem… boot. Schultz bless his java infused heart originally picked Narasimhan. But let's just say things didn't go smoother than a well blended Frappuccino. Niccol former head honcho at Chipotle apparently has the 'it' factor. Shares are up nearly 20% since April which is more impressive than my ability to mimic a dial up modem. Can you feel that positive energy? I know I can!

Back to the Roots: No More Monkey Business!

Niccol's plan? Get 'back to Starbucks.' Back to basics baby! Personalized messages on cups bringing back seating focusing on… wait for it… COFFEE! Can you believe it? It's like they forgot they were selling the nectar of the gods! Apparently they were too busy with discounts and promotions. Discounts! Promotions! Is this a coffee shop or a used car dealership? I'm detecting a pattern here people! A pattern of… neglecting the core product! *Shudders*.

Schultz Speaks: Culture is Key Alrighty!

Schultz didn't mince words. He said the culture wasn't understood valued or upheld. The CULTURE! That's bigger than finding a missing Shih Tzu; we're talking about the soul of Starbucks! You can't just slap a logo on a cup and call it a day. You gotta have passion you gotta have integrity and you gotta have… good coffee! Otherwise you're just selling brown water in a paper cup. And nobody wants that. NOBODY!

The Las Vegas Summit: A Meeting of the Minds (and Beans)

This whole thing went down at a Leadership Experience in Las Vegas attended by 14,000 store leaders. Fourteen THOUSAND! That's like a whole army of baristas ready to brew up a storm. Apparently this was the first time Niccol and Schultz appeared together publicly. Talk about a power couple! It's like Batman and Robin but with caffeine instead of crime fighting. And hopefully more success than Narasimhan had no offense.

I'm Outta Here! Brewtiful!

So there you have it folks! Ace Ventura reporting live from the world of corporate coffee. Looks like Starbucks might just be on the road to recovery. Now if you'll excuse me I have a date with a missing marmoset and a triple espresso. Gotta stay sharp you know! Alllllrighty then! *Ace vanishes in a puff of exotic bird feathers*.