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the latest news around the world

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Amazon reports strong earnings but faces tariff headwinds, leaving investors in a state of 'drunken master' uncertainty. Time for some serious action! image
Headlines

Amazon's Tariff Tussle: A Kung Fu Comedy?

  • Thu 01 May, 2025 22:22
  • 3 minutes to read
Amazon's Q1 results beat expectations, but tariff woes and soft guidance send the stock into a spin – even I'm dizzy! image
Headlines

Amazon's Tariff Tumble: Why Even a Kung Fu Master Can't Predict the Future!

  • Thu 01 May, 2025 22:22
  • 2 minutes to read
Apple's Q2 earnings beat expectations overall, but the Services division was a tad underwhelming. Ace Ventura investigates the fruity financial details! image
Headlines

Alllllrighty Then! Apple's Earnings: A Case of the Slightly Underestimated Services!

  • Thu 01 May, 2025 22:08
  • 2 minutes to read
Apple's latest financial report is out, and while some numbers were smashing, others were a bit... well, like putting your trousers on before your underpants. image
Headlines

Apple's Earnings: A Right Royal Mess? Teddy Thinks So!

  • Thu 01 May, 2025 22:08
  • 3 minutes to read
Dwight Schrute reports on the U.S. Transportation Department's plan to combat air traffic controller shortages and modernize infrastructure. Beet juice may be involved. image
Headlines

Bears, Beets, Airplanes: Schrute Solutions to Air Traffic Mayhem!

  • Thu 01 May, 2025 18:12
  • 3 minutes to read
The House votes to block California's ambitious plan to ban gas-powered car sales by 2035, sparking a debate over pollution, jobs, and the future of the auto industry. image
Headlines

Republicans Pull the Plug on California's EV Dream: Is This Chemistry or Just Bad Politics?

  • Thu 01 May, 2025 19:00
  • 3 minutes to read
The Chase Sapphire Preferred Card is offering a massive 100,000-point bonus for a limited time, making it the perfect time to apply and travel in style… Giggity! image
Headlines

Giggity! Chase Sapphire Preferred Card's Bonus is Back and Bigger Than Ever, Baby!

  • Thu 01 May, 2025 18:02
  • 3 minutes to read
Stewie Griffin analyzes market rebound fueled by Meta and Microsoft, but warns of Trump's tariff terrors and fast-food follies. image
Headlines

Victory Lap on Wall Street or Trumpocalypse Now?

  • Thu 01 May, 2025 18:47
  • 3 minutes to read
That's right, Eric Cartman's got the inside scoop on Coca-Cola, and he's here to tell you why you should be lining your pockets with delicious, sugary profits, while PepsiCo is for losers! image
Headlines

Screw You Guys, I'm Investing in Coke! (And You Should Too, Dumbasses)

  • Thu 01 May, 2025 18:58
  • 2 minutes to read
Low-cost carrier Ryanair threatens to ditch Boeing for Chinese COMAC amidst US tariff tensions, potentially reshaping the aerospace battlefield. image
Headlines

Ryanair to Boeing: 'You Are One Ugly Motherf***er' (If Tariffs Fly)

  • Thu 01 May, 2025 14:42
  • 3 minutes to read

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