Microsoft's Purr-plexing Layoffs: A Cat-astrophe for Washington!

Nine Lives...Minus a Few Jobs

Madre de Dios! Your favorite swashbuckling gato Puss in Boots reporting live! I hear tales of woe from the faraway kingdom of Washington. It seems the giant Microsoft a beast of immense power has decided to trim its claws. A grand total of 830 souls found themselves suddenly… unemployed! That's more than I've faced in all nine of my lives! The humans call it 'restructuring,' I call it a heartless swipe of the paw!

Game Over for Game Designers?

Amongst those cast out into the cold were nearly a dozen game designers. *Gasp*! Game designers! The very artists who craft worlds more enchanting than Dulcinea’s dreams! Three audio designers two mechanical engineers one optical engineer and even a lab technician also received the dreaded pink slip. It appears even the magic of video games cannot shield one from the grim reaper…or rather the grim spreadsheet.

Research Lawyers and Hardware...Oh My!

Even the brilliant minds at Microsoft Research weren’t safe! Five individual contributors and one manager found themselves on the wrong side of the chopping block. Ten lawyers! Surely they could have argued their way out of this mess? And six hardware engineers! Are they to blame for the XBOX's issues? Seems this Microsoft has a serious issue that needs fixing! *wink*.

The Great Redundancy Rebellion

The big boss Satya Nadella claims this is all about eliminating redundancy and focusing on more 'meaningful work.' But what is more meaningful than providing for one's family eh? It appears Microsoft wants its minions to embrace new technologies like I embrace a good plate of leche! They say that 9,000 jobs must go. But I Puss In Boots says! The world needs heros not more money! The power of Friendship should have been enough...

Sales Swoon and Cloud Cover

Even the salespeople felt the sting! Sixteen customer success account management staff 28 in sales strategy enablement and five in sales compensation found themselves out in the cold. The fastest growth is from Azure and other cloud services but seemingly even those riding the silver linings aren't immune. A government affairs worker was also shown the door! Even the politicians are starting to question Microsoft's decision!

Silence of the Nadella

The big cheese Nadella has been quieter than a mouse in a cathedral (much quieter than I ever am!). The only peep we got was from CFO Amy Hood who mumbled something about 'cost efficiencies.' *Cost efficiencies!* Is that what they call it these days? I Puss in Boots suggest a more honest term: 'Heartless cost cutting!' Perhaps I should offer them a lesson in charm and diplomacy...for a small fee of course! After all a gato's gotta eat!