California DMV to Self-Driving Cars: So You Wanna Play?

California Dreamin' or Just a Fast Break?

Alright alright hold up. Word on the street is California's got some new rules for these self driving contraptions. The DMV's saying it wants the 'nation's most comprehensive rules.' Comprehensive? That's a big word. Sounds like they're trying to make sure these robotaxis don't pull a Dennis Rodman and go rogue. I mean you gotta keep your eye on the ball folks. You think I got to where I am by just winging it? Nah man precision. That's what separates the contenders from the pretenders.

Tesla: The 'Potential' All Star

So Musk and Tesla huh? Been promising the moon for years. Reminds me of some of these youngbloods coming into the league talking a big game but can't back it up on the court. 'Driverless ride hailing service'... Sounds good on paper but until I see it dominating the asphalt I'm not convinced. Shares went up 10%? That's cute. Winning a championship is going up. Maybe they'll eventually get there but potential is just potential until you turn it into dominance. You got to WANT to be the best.

Waymo and the Rest: The Competition's Heating Up

Waymo Zoox WeRide... Sounds like a pickup game down at the park. Good to see some competition though keeps everyone honest. Waymo's already got a robotaxi service? Alright alright let's see what they got. Competition is the Breakfast of Champions after all. You think I got six rings by playing against stiffs? Nah I needed those Pistons those Jazz. They pushed me. So let's see if Waymo's ready to be pushed.

Permit to Play: The DMV's Playbook

Permits testing mileage... Sounds like a rookie hazing ritual. Gotta get that permit to test with a human? Then a permit for driverless testing? Then a final permit to actually deploy? Sheesh it's like trying to get past Scottie Pippen and me in the Finals. They ain't making it easy folks. But hey if you want to play in the big leagues you gotta earn it.

Trucks on the Loose: Watch Out!

Autonomous trucks weighing over 10,000 pounds? On California roads? Now that's a scary thought. Imagine a self driving semi truck going rogue. I'd rather face Charles Barkley in a dunk contest. At least I know Barkley's predictable. Data reporting requirements standards for first responders... Good good. Safety first kids. You don't want these things turning into the Bad Boys Pistons on wheels.

The Last Dance: DMV vs. Tesla

California DMV suing Tesla for 'deceptive marketing'? Now that's a foul. Classic trash talk but the DMV is not holding back. I heard Tesla’s autopilot needs a human behind the wheel at all times. So what's the point? You know I always needed my teammates but at the end of the day someone's gotta take the shot. Someone's gotta take responsibility. Let's see if Tesla can handle the pressure. 'Some people want it to happen some wish it would happen others make it happen.' Which one is Tesla?