Hold Up! Walmart's Using Drones Now?! My Mind's Gone Clear to Bel-Air!

From Philly to Fancy Drones!

Yo check it! This ain't Philly no more where the most high tech thing we had was Will's smooth talking skills. Now they got drones deliverin' stuff! Seems like Zipline this company that's cooler than Jazz's dance moves teamed up with Walmart in Dallas. Dallas y'all! Where the steaks are big and now apparently the deliveries are airborne. I gotta see this to believe it! They zoomin' around Mesquite Texas droppin' off orders like it's nothin'.

Fly Like an Eagle Shop Like a Banks!

These ain't your grandma's drones neither. We talkin' P2 Zips the latest and greatest from Zipline. These bad boys can carry up to eight pounds of goodies within a ten mile radius. That's like a whole lotta Ben & Jerry's! And get this: they can land a package on a space as small as a table or your doorstep. Perfect for when you're too busy chillin' in the pool to answer the door. I can already picture Geoffrey ordering caviar with these things!

Dinner Plate Precision?! Word!

Zipline's CEO this dude Keller Rinaudo Cliffton says these drones have 'dinner plate level' accuracy. Dinner plate accuracy?! That's tighter than Hilary's wardrobe budget! They got propellers and wings and all sorts of fancy tech to keep them flyin' even when it's rainin' cats and dogs. Or maybe just dogs 'cause cats probably ain't gonna be flyin' no drones. I'm just sayin'.

Droppin' Packages Like They're Hot!

Here's the lowdown: the P2 Zip hovers at 300 feet (higher than Carlton's ego I swear) then drops a mini aircraft called the delivery zip. It uses a tether and some fan like thrusters to gently place your stuff down. It's like a super advanced high tech stork... but instead of babies it's bringin' you snacks. And they have cameras and sensors to avoid obstacles. Geoffrey better watch out. These things will definitely avoid him at all costs.

Millions of Miles No Sign of Jazz!

These Zipline drones have flown over 100 million miles! That's like flyin' around the world 4,000 times or takin' 200 trips to the moon! And since 2016 they've done 1.5 million deliveries. Meanwhile Jazz still can't hold down a job. Some things never change huh? They started with healthcare deliverin' medicine and stuff but now they're teamin' up with Walmart Sweetgreen and Chipotle. Burrito delivery by drone? Now that's what I call livin' large!

Trump Tariffs? No Sweat!

Even with all this Trump tariff talk Zipline's not sweatin' it too much. They build their drones right here in the USA. I bet Carlton's doin' the Carlton dance right now thinkin' it's all part of some economic master plan. Anyway it looks like they're ready to keep those packages flyin' rain or shine... or tariffs. Who knew the future would be so fly? *cue laugh track*