Ay, Chihuahua! Tariffs Bite Constellation Brands Like a Pack of Angry Chihuahuas!

Holy Frijoles! Earnings Take a Siesta!

Madre de Dios! This is Puss in Boots reporting LIVE from my luxurious litter box (don't judge it's imported!). Word on the street is that Constellation Brands purveyors of fine Mexican nectar like Corona and Modelo has hit a bit of a speed bump. Earnings and revenue? *Pfft!* They missed the mark! Like a blind swordsman trying to hit a piñata they swung they missed and now analysts are saying "Ay caramba!" I feel for them; it's like when I try to catch the red dot—always just out of reach!

Trump's Trade Troubles: A Real Cat astrophe?

Ah but what villain is to blame for this misfortune? None other than the… *dramatic pause*… tariffs! Yes those pesky taxes on aluminum imposed by President Trump are squeezing Constellation’s profits like a lemon in a margarita. Apparently making those shiny cans for our beloved cervezas has become more expensive than a solid gold catnip mouse! Who knew metal could cause so much trouble? I once fashioned a suit of armor from tin cans... let's just say it wasn't my finest hour. Suffice to say it rusted more than my reputation after a few bad choices in taverns... usually involving a milk based beverage and a donkey!

¡No Pasarán! Constellation Vows to Fight!

But fear not amigos! Constellation Brands is not one to back down from a challenge! Like me facing El Miedo himself they are standing firm. They're still forecasting a bright future for fiscal 2026. CEO Bill Newlands said something about 'non structural socioeconomic factors.' I think he meant 'pesky tariffs,' but who am I to question the words of a CEO especially when he's got enough money to buy a lifetime supply of catnip? I once said to Death himself 'I embrace you. I fear nothing,' maybe this is what Bill Newlands said too?

Modelo Especial: Still Top Cat!

Despite the financial fandango let's not forget the real star of the show: Modelo Especial! This golden elixir has clawed its way to the top dethroning Bud Light as the number one beer in the US! ¡Olé! It’s like me finally catching that blasted red dot. It just goes to show even with tariffs raining down like water on a scaredy cat a good beer will always find its way to the top. The only thing that can beat that beer is a saucer of warm milk!

Hispanic Consumers: The Heart of the Fiesta

Now here's a spicy little secret: a huge portion of Constellation's beer sales comes from our amigos in the Hispanic community. But those tariffs and talk about immigration are making people nervous and impacting demand. It's a sad state of affairs when politics get in the way of a good cerveza. So let us hope that everyone gets to enjoy a refreshing beer in peace! No one should be afraid or face judgement or a challenge of their own right to drink a good beer!

Stay Tuned Amigos!

Well that's the cerveza report for today amigos! I will of course be watching the news like a hawk... if hawks wore tiny boots and preferred solving financial problems and also were orange tabby cats! So stay tuned and remember my immortal words 'Fear me if you dare!' Or you know just enjoy a nice cold Modelo. Adios!