Amazon's Vulcan Robot: So Tough, It Doesn't Need My Roundhouse Kick (Yet)

Vulcan: The Robot That Can Feel...My Fist Approaching

Word on the street (or should I say the digital battlefield) is that Amazon's got a new robot named Vulcan. Now anything named Vulcan better be tough. Turns out this thing has a 'sense of touch.' Back in my day we called that 'common sense,' but hey progress is progress. It can apparently handle 75% of the million items in that Spokane warehouse. Impressive but can it handle a roundhouse kick? That's the real test.

Cameras and Suction? Amateurs!

Amazon's been using robotic arms since 2021 but those fancy pants robots relied on cameras and suction. Vulcan here uses AI and a 'sense of touch.' That's right it feels. Next thing you know it'll be asking for a raise and complaining about the AC being too cold. The future is here folks and it's… sensitive. 'Missing Chuck Norris? He didn't go anywhere the world came to him'.

20 Hours a Day? I Work 25!

This Vulcan robot works 20 hours a day. Pfft. I work 25. 24 hours aren't enough when you're Chuck Norris. Aaron Parness from Amazon Robotics says it won't replace people but create new jobs. They claim it's not about replacing it's about evolving. Of course they said the same thing about the dinosaurs. I hope they are not lying they'll have me to deal with.

100% Automation? Not on My Watch!

Parness claims Amazon isn't aiming for 100% automation. Good. Because if robots take over all the jobs who will buy my action figures? He says it would take forever to fully automate. That's because they haven't factored in the 'Chuck Norris Factor.' When Chuck Norris enters a room even robots become afraid and do what he says. That is a fact.

Power Zone? I AM the Power Zone!

Apparently this robot is supposed to handle the high shelves to reduce worker injuries. Good. Safety first even if it means letting a machine do the job. This worker lady Kari Freitas Hardy says it will make the days easier. She is right. As the saying goes 'Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer too bad he has never cried.'

Amazon's Robot Army and the Future

The robot operates behind a fence. Smart move. It knows what is good for it! Experts say humans and robots will work together. Fine by me as long as they remember who's boss. And according to Amazon they’re upskilling workers and spending millions on training. Maybe one day they will teach robots to make coffee. If they want it done right they can just ask me. 'Chuck Norris can divide by zero.' Now that's progress.