Bazinga! Trump Offers to Mediate India-Pakistan Spat; Sheldon Cooper Weighs In (Naturally)

A Most Illogical Situation

As any rational being with an IQ above say 140 knows the situation between India and Pakistan is shall we say fraught. Apparently some… *unpleasantness* has occurred in Kashmir and now President Trump bless his heart (and his let's be honest somewhat limited understanding of international relations) has offered to step in. My initial reaction? Bazinga! The sheer audacity of it all is… well it's something. I can only imagine what the foreign policy wonks are saying.

Trump's 'Good Relations': A Statistical Anomaly?

Trump claims to have 'good relations' with both countries. This of course is a subjective assessment and likely skewed by his… *unique* approach to diplomacy. I suspect his definition of 'good relations' involves fewer PowerPoint presentations on string theory and more shall we say bombastic pronouncements. Nevertheless the man has offered to mediate. It's like asking a chimpanzee to perform open heart surgery – entertaining perhaps but hardly confidence inspiring. Still as my Meemaw always said 'Bless his heart.'

Tit for Tat? More Like Tit for Bazinga!

He wants the 'tit for tat' to stop which frankly is a reasonable request. However referring to it as 'tit for tat' trivializes the complexities of the situation. It’s more akin to a complex game of Risk played with real world consequences. Perhaps if everyone involved understood the intricacies of cooperative game theory we wouldn't be in this mess. As I said to Leonard once 'Scissors cuts paper paper covers rock rock crushes lizard lizard poisons Spock Spock smashes scissors scissors decapitates lizard lizard eats paper paper disproves Spock Spock vaporizes rock and as usual rock crushes scissors.' Perhaps they need a simplified version of that!

The Ghost of Kashmir Past

Trump even hinted at foreseeing the tensions based on 'a little bit of the past.' Oh *really*? You mean the decades long conflict over Kashmir that's been a geopolitical hot potato since oh I don't know 1947? Groundbreaking insight Mr. President. Next you'll be telling me that water is wet. Truly I am in awe of his… *perceptiveness*.

If I Can Do Anything To Help...

Trump declared 'If I can do anything to help I will be there.' This of course begs the question: what exactly *can* he do? Perhaps he intends to bring his unparalleled negotiating skills to bear. Or maybe he’ll simply tweet about it incessantly. Either way I anticipate a spectacle. And as a scientist I find spectacles… fascinating. Although let’s be honest I’d probably be more effective myself. I’d start with a carefully crafted presentation on the importance of peaceful co existence backed by irrefutable data and logical arguments. Of course they’d probably be too busy arguing about whose turn it is to sit in the good spot on the couch.

Sheldon's Conclusion: Prepare for Utter Chaos (and Possibly Nobel Prize Material)

In conclusion this situation is rife with potential for either utter disaster or dare I say a Nobel Peace Prize worthy resolution (if of course *I* were in charge). Regardless I shall be observing with rapt attention a bowl of lukewarm chamomile tea and a healthy dose of skepticism. Because let's face it the probability of this ending well is… statistically insignificant. Bazinga! And may God have mercy on our souls... because clearly Trump does not.