Bazinga! Political Assassinations? That's Just Crazy Talk! (And Bad Science)

A Disturbing Deviation From Normative Societal Behavior

Greetings sentient beings. Sheldon Cooper B.Sc. M.Sc. M.A. Ph.D. and Sc.D. here to lend my superior intellect to the recent unpleasantness in Minnesota. Apparently one Vance Luther Boelter a statistically insignificant outlier has decided to engage in behaviors that fall far outside the bounds of acceptable societal parameters. Specifically the attempted and successful termination of elected officials. As the acting U.S. attorney one Joe Thompson so eloquently put it 'Political assassinations are rare.' Indeed! So rare they disrupt the very fabric of our carefully constructed reality! It's like discovering a Higgs boson made of Silly Putty. Unacceptable!

The Manhunt: A Flawed but Necessary Algorithmic Pursuit

Authorities bless their hearts launched what they termed the 'largest manhunt' in the state’s history. One can only hope their search algorithms were optimized for speed and efficiency. No doubt Leonard would have some useful yet unsolicited advice on search party formations. Speaking of flawed algorithms the suspect apparently donned a disguise and impersonated a police officer. This blatant disregard for the established order of things is frankly offensive. Did he not consult the proper protocols for law enforcement? The audacity! Next he will start messing with String Theory or better the sacred roommate agreement!

First Degree Murder: A Concept Best Explained with Quantum Physics (Sort Of)

Now Mr. Boelter faces first degree murder charges. The penalty? Life in prison without parole. A fitting consequence though arguably a more scientifically beneficial approach would involve rigorous study of his neural pathways to determine the root cause of such aberrant behavior. I'd volunteer naturally. Think of it as Schrödinger's Cat only instead of a cat in a box we have a potentially homicidal individual whose fate hangs in the balance. Whether he's guilty or not is for the court to decide. I however remain skeptical of everything.

Crawling in a Field: A Visual Representation of Poor Life Choices

The denouement of this saga involves Mr. Boelter being discovered 'crawling in a field.' Crawling. In a field. I can't decide if this is absurd pathetic or a testament to his complete lack of tactical awareness. One presumes he lacked the proper footwear appropriate for such terrain. Perhaps he should have consulted Amy since she is a neurobiologist and clearly has a better understanding of field navigation strategies. My God he truly does not know me at all!

The Notebook of Doom: A Potential Pandora's Box of Political Mayhem

Adding insult to injury the suspect was carrying a notebook containing names of potential targets. A veritable 'Who's Who' of individuals he deemed worthy of his… attention. If the pattern continues I might be on that list. As Sheldon Cooper I represent the pinacle of intellectual prowess in the United States. This situation is less than ideal! As if political assassination wasn't bad enough now we have the potential for a sequel and everyone knows that sequels are never as good as the original! With the possible exception of *The Empire Strikes Back* and the *Godfather Part II*.

In Conclusion: Sanity Must Prevail or Bazinga!

In conclusion this entire affair is a stark reminder that humanity despite its occasional flashes of brilliance (like my own) is still capable of profoundly irrational and frankly stupid behavior. I remain committed to promoting reason logic and a healthy dose of theoretical physics. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go disinfect my hands. One can never be too careful. Bazinga!