Bazinga! California Governor Sues Fox News for Astronomical Sum, Claims 'Lies!' (As If I Haven't Heard That Before)

The Audacity! Newsom vs. The Propaganda Machine

As a purveyor of truth and order I Sheldon Cooper B.Sc. M.Sc. M.A. Ph.D. and ScD. am compelled to report on the latest episode of political theater. California Governor Gavin Newsom a man whose hair while impressively coiffed lacks the intellectual rigor of a well structured research paper has decided to sue Fox News. The accusation? Defamation! A hefty $787 million is at stake an amount that could fund oh I don't know several particle accelerators or a lifetime supply of spot cream.

A Dominion Sized Déjà Vu

The sum Newsom seeks is suspiciously similar to the payout Fox coughed up in the Dominion Voting Systems case. It seems someone is taking notes from the playbook of legal precedents though I suspect their understanding of legal theory is shall we say 'fuzzy' – much like Penny's grasp of theoretical physics. It all revolves around comments made by Fox News anchor Jesse Watters who allegedly suggested Newsom was economical with the truth (a.k.a. lied) about a certain phone call with former President Trump. As I always say 'Everything is complicated if you let it be.' Even a simple phone call.

The Call Heard 'Round the… Oval Office?

Apparently the crux of the matter lies in whether or not a phone call transpired between Newsom and Trump on a specific date. Newsom insists it did not Trump claims it did (a classic he said he said). Watters of Fox News then added fuel to the fire and now we have a legal conflagration. The suit claims Fox News had 'significant ill will' toward Newsom. One can only imagine the awkwardness at the next White House Correspondents' Dinner. Gentlemen please keep your voices down; this is a library!

A Retraction? Highly Illogical!

Newsom's legal team has issued an ultimatum: retract the offending statement and issue a formal on air apology or face the full wrath of the Californian legal system. Fox News predictably has dismissed the lawsuit as a 'frivolous publicity stunt.' Frivolous you say? As if lawsuits are mere parlor games! This isn't Pictionary people; this is the legal system and it demands rigor and precision two qualities not often associated with Fox News programming.

The June 6th/7th Paradox (Time Zones People!)

The lawsuit painstakingly details the timeline of the alleged phone call noting that it occurred late on June 6th or early on June 7th depending on one's temporal spatial location. Time zones! Is there no end to the universe's capacity for pedantry? The suit notes Trump did not bring up the protests in Los Angeles during the call. When Newsom attempted to Trump allegedly changed the subject. Perhaps he was simply eager to discuss the finer points of string theory.

Bazinga of Lies!

Watters highlighted discrepancies in Trump's statements about last talking to Newsom 'a day ago.' He played a cleverly edited clip which is just a scientific recipe for chaos. This led Watters to ask 'Why would Newsom lie?' A question worthy of further scientific exploration perhaps through the use of complex algorithms and brain scanning technology. Ultimately this matter will be decided in the courts where one hopes truth and reason will prevail. Until then I will remain sequestered in my spot pondering the deeper existential questions this lawsuit raises. And avoiding the temptation to watch cable news. BAZINGA!