ABC News Fires Journalist? Cry More, Losers! It's Cristiano Time!

Another Day Another Controversy… Yawn!

Okay okay settle down everyone. I hear there's some drama happening across the pond. ABC News a journalist named Terry Moran and apparently my good friend Donald Trump are all involved. Honestly I'm busy perfecting my abs and scoring goals that defy the laws of physics. But fine I'll lend my golden ears to this situation… for a few minutes. Look everyone has opinions right? Some people think I'm the greatest of all time (which let's be honest is fact) and some… well some are clearly delusional. But firing someone for calling people 'haters'? That's a bit much isn't it? Unless of course they're hating on CR7. Then it's justified. Siiiiii!

Haters Gonna Hate Players Gonna Play

So this Moran guy called Trump and Miller 'world class haters.' Bold statement. Me? I prefer to let my football do the talking. Let them hate let them doubt. As I always say 'Your love makes me strong your hate makes me unstoppable.' And clearly I am unstoppable. Seriously have you seen my latest goal? Gravity has nothing on CR7.

Objectivity? Never Heard of Her!

This whole 'objectivity' thing in journalism? Honestly sounds boring. Where's the passion? The fire? The six pack abs of journalistic integrity? (Okay maybe that's pushing it.) But seriously everyone has biases. The trick is to own it. I'm biased towards winning towards being the best towards impeccable grooming. Deal with it. ABC News is acting like they're shocked SHOCKED that a journalist has a strong opinion. Please. It's all just a game. A very very silly game.

Trump's Presidential Library and Museum: I Expect an Entire Wing Dedicated to Me

Hold on hold on. Did I read that right? Trump got $15 million to build a presidential library and museum? Well I hope they dedicate an entire wing to my incredible influence. After all who wouldn't want to see a life size golden statue of me scoring the winning goal in a Champions League final? It's what the people deserve. I mean come on the man is building a legacy and he probably will need inspiration from greatness! Jokes aside that Stephanopoulos guy will think twice before messing with someone like Mr. Trump.

Miller's Mask? More Like Miller's Misunderstanding

This Miller fellow who responded with talk about "masks" and "gatekeeping." I think he needs to relax and maybe hit the gym. A little self care goes a long way. Maybe I should send him a CR7 Underwear package. Nothing says 'calm down and embrace your inner champion' like a perfectly sculpted pair of briefs. Seriously the drama is unnecessary! 'Siiiiiuuuuuuu!'

My Final Verdict: More Goals Less Hating!

Look at the end of the day everyone needs to chill. ABC needs to chill. Terry needs to chill. Trump needs to chill. (Although a Trump presidency is always entertaining so maybe not *too* much chilling.) And I Cristiano Ronaldo need to get back to what I do best: being absolutely amazing. So remember kids focus on your goals ignore the haters and always strive to be the best version of yourself. Unless the best version of yourself is me because then you're out of luck. There's only one CR7. Siiiiii!