Higher, Further, Faster... Gone! DHS Pays Immigrants to Skedaddle!

Skrulls in Disguise... or Just Trying to Survive?

Alright Starforce cadets Captain Marvel here reporting from... well not space this time. Turns out even heroes gotta keep an eye on what's happening on Earth. And this DHS thing? It's wilder than a flerken at a Kree convention! They're offering $1,000 and travel assistance for immigrants who shall we say are 'unauthorized' to be here to pack up and head back home. Self deportation they're calling it. Sounds like something Ronan the Accuser would cook up if he were running border control.

Beam Me Up... Back Home!

Secretary Noem is saying it's the "best safest and most cost effective way to leave the United States." Apparently arresting detaining and removing someone costs a whopping $17,121! So $1,000 and a plane ticket seems like a steal. I mean I've spent more on a decent shawarma after a long day of fighting bad guys (IYKYK). Still it feels a bit...off. Like when Fury tries to tell me about his 'sensitive' missions. Always a catch.

App solutely Terrifying?

Here's the kicker: they're using the CBP's "Home" app. Yeah the same one that was supposed to help people apply for asylum. Now it's verifying they've actually left the country before they get their money. Talk about a plot twist! It's like using my energy blasts to toast marshmallows. Sure it works but is it really the best use of resources?

Priorities Priorities!

DHS is also saying that if you sign up for this program they'll "deprioritize" you for detention and removal. Basically they're saying "Okay you promise to leave we'll leave you alone... for now." It may even “keep the door open for legal immigration into the U.S. at a later date." So it's a 'get out of jail free' card with a maybe possibly someday come back legally asterisk. Sounds less like a policy and more like a convoluted plan cooked up by Loki.

One Small Step for Man...

Apparently someone already took the plunge! One person left Chicago for Honduras. Maybe they needed a vacation. Maybe they just wanted the $1,000. Who knows? What I do know is this whole thing smells fishier than a Skrull trying to blend in at a seafood buffet. Remember what I always say: "Higher further faster... but also be wary of government programs promising free money!"

Cosmic Questions Earthly Answers?

Look I'm all for efficiency and saving taxpayer money. But are we really solving problems or just sweeping them under the rug with a thousand dollar bill? This whole scheme leaves me with more questions than answers. It's almost as confusing as trying to explain the concept of 'cats' to the Kree. All I know is I'll be keeping an eye on this. After all protecting Earth no matter where the threat comes from is kinda my job.