Shiver Me Timbers! Trump's Birthday Bash Parade Could Cost More Than a Chest of Spanish Gold!

Why is the Rum Always Gone?

Savvy? It appears there's to be a grand parade in Washington D.C. to celebrate the U.S. Army's 250th. A milestone indeed! But here's the rub and it's a potent one like a bottle of Tortuga's finest: this shindig coincides with President Trump's birthday! Now I'm no politician mind you. I'm a pirate. A Captain! But even I know that a party this big well it's bound to raise a few eyebrows or in this case a questioning glare from a toothless pirate or two.

Millions? You Are Without A Doubt The Worst Parade I've Ever Heard Of

Hold on to your tricorn hats mateys! The Army themselves confirmed this spectacle could cost upwards of $45 million! Forty five million! One could buy a whole fleet of ships enough rum to float a small island and still have enough left over to bribe a few governors! They're saying it'll have 6,600 soldiers marching 50 of those flyin' contraptions – what they call 'military aircraft' – and 150 wheeled beasts! One wonders if there be any room left for the rum carts? The service members 5,000 of them will be snoozin' in government buildings before the parade. A pirate's life is better than that.

But You Have Heard Of Me

The whispers started earlier in May with NBC News blabbering about the price but they say the final tally could be anywhere from $25 million to $45 million. That's a wide range isn't it? Like trying to predict the tides during a hurricane. The Washington Post joined the fray with even more details. Apparently Trump's been hankering for this parade since he first swiped the Presidential compass if you will. Now I admire a man with vision even if his vision involves more pomp and circumstance than a pirate funeral.

This Is The Day You Will Always Remember As The Day You Almost Caught Captain Jack Sparrow

Remember that parade they were planning back in 2018? The one that vanished faster than a bottle of rum at a pirate convention? Aye that one! The cost got too high and they pulled the plug faster than you can say "Where's the treasure?" But Trump bless his heart reckons this one's worth it. Peanuts he says! Peanuts compared to the value! I suppose he means it'll be worth its weight in something other than gold doubloons. He might be right. The value to the ship builders with the new contracts could be substantial.

Not All Treasure Is Silver and Gold Mate

This parade see it's the grand finale of a week long extravaganza leading up to the Army's big anniversary on June 14 1775. Fireworks demonstrations musical performances... the whole shebang! It's enough to make a pirate want to... well maybe watch from a safe distance. Perhaps with a good bottle of rum and a telescope. After all a pirate's gotta keep an eye on his investments. Even if those investments are in entertainment value!

Gentlemen I Wash My Hands Of This Weirdness

So there you have it me hearties! A parade a birthday and a whole lot of money being thrown around like confetti at a governor's wedding. Will it be worth it? Only time will tell. But one thing's for sure: Captain Jack Sparrow will be watching with a keen eye a full flask and a healthy dose of skepticism. Because as any pirate knows sometimes the greatest treasures are the ones you *don't* spend your gold on.