Alllllrighty Then! Trump's Tank Tango in DC: A Star-Spangled Spectacle or a Fiscal Fiasco?

Shikaka! The Scene of the Crime (or Celebration?)

Greetings fellow animal lovers and truth seekers! Ace Ventura: Pet Detective at your service! Or uh news reporter I guess for this one. So picture this: Washington D.C. thousands of troops tanks rumbling like a rhino with indigestion and helicopters buzzing like a swarm of angry bees! It's like a scene straight outta 'Rambo,' but with more…orange. Seems our man Donald Trump decided to throw a party for the Army's 250th and boy did he go all out! It's like he took a page from the 'How to Throw a Parade' book ripped it up and then snorted the confetti. Alllllrighty then!

Rain or Shine It's Showtime (Kinda)

Now Mother Nature decided to throw a wrench in the works with some pesky thunderstorms. But did that stop Trump? Nope! He channeled his inner postal worker and declared 'RAIN OR SHINE!' Some flyovers got grounded like a penguin in the desert but the show went on. Marco Rubio and Pete Hegseth showed up probably hoping for a good photo op. The First Lady Melania was there too looking as fabulous as a flamingo in a tuxedo. Wreath laying ceremonies military demonstrations...the whole shebang! It was supposed to be the biggest military parade since '91 back when George H.W. Bush was celebrating winning the Gulf War. Now remind me to never get into a water spitting contest with him.

No Kings Day? More Like No Kidding!

But hold your horses folks! Not everyone was thrilled with this tank tastic display. Across the nation folks were protesting under the banner of "No Kings Day," which sounds like a bad sequel to 'The Lion King'. They were all hot and bothered about Trump's policies. New York Chicago Philadelphia...even the small towns were getting in on the action. Some protests got a little rowdy like a badger in a blender with clashes between protesters and the uh fuzz. Meanwhile in Minnesota things got downright dangerous with warnings to stay away from the demonstrations after some shootings. Talk about a party foul!

Los Angeles Lowdown: National Guard Nabs Naughty… Protesters?

The temperature is rising people! This all comes amidst some serious tension in Los Angeles where Trump deployed the National Guard to calm things down over immigration enforcement. Earlier this week the guy gave the protesters a warning that if they tried any funny business in Washington D.C. they would be met with "very big force." Saturday remained relatively calm in the nation's capital (thank goodness). Reminds me of that time I had to find Snowflake. I was under so much pressure you could have squeezed coal into a diamond.

Ka Ching! The Price of Patriotism (or Parades?)

Now here's where things get hairy like a yeti at a barbershop. This whole shindig could cost up to $45 million! Forty five MILLION clams! That's enough to buy a whole lotta tuna! Critics are saying this is a total waste of money especially since those tightwads in Congress are trying to pass the "One Big Beautiful Bill Act" (sounds like something you'd find in a Dr. Seuss book) which will add trillions to the national debt. Even some Republicans are scratching their heads like chimpanzees trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. Senator John Kennedy (no relation to JFK I presume) straight up said he wouldn't spend the money.

Greatest Missiles in the World? Or Greatest Misuse of Funds?

According to some poll 60% of adults think this whole parade idea is a big ol' waste of government funds. But Trump? He thinks it's "peanuts compared to the value of doing it." He bragged about having the greatest missiles submarines tanks and weapons in the world. Well la dee da! I guess he wanted to show them off like a peacock at a disco. But seriously folks is this the best way to spend our money? I'm just asking! Now if you'll excuse me I have to go find a missing chihuahua with a penchant for chewing on rubber chickens. G'bye!