Alllllrighty Then! Iran and Israel in a Tussle, World on Edge!

Holy Testicle Tuesday! What in the World is Going On?

Greetings fine feathered friends! Ace Ventura Pet Detective and now...intrepid international affairs investigator is on the case! Seems like things are heating up hotter than a freshly microwaved burrito in the Middle East. We've got Iran launching over 100 drones towards Israel. A hundred! That's like a whole flock of mechanical pigeons with… well let’s just say they're not delivering pizza! Could things get any worse? (Ace knocks on wood) Don't answer that!

Shikaka! Who's Getting Eliminated?

Apparently Israel decided to play a little game of 'whack a mole' with some of Iran's top military brass. Chief of Staff Commander of the IRGC and the Commander of Iran's Emergency Command – POOF! Gone like a fart in the wind. According to Israel Defense Forces spokesperson Effie Defrin. 'We can now confirm that the Chief of staff of the Iranian Armed Forces Commander of the IRGC and the Commander of Iran's Emergency Command were all eliminated in the Israeli strikes across Iran,' said Effie. Ouch! Talk about a rough day at the office! That’s gotta sting more than a skunk in a phone booth.

Jordan Takes Aim!?

But wait there's more! Jordan bless their shemagh wearing hearts got in on the action intercepting some of those Iranian drones in their airspace. Looks like someone doesn't want any uninvited guests crashing their party. And I can't blame them nobody likes a party crasher especially when they are carrying HEAVY explosives!

Ka Ching! Oil Prices Go Bonkers

You know what this means folks? Show me the money! Or rather show me the oil! News of these shenanigans sent oil prices soaring faster than a dolphin on a rocket. Up 13%! Global benchmark Brent crude surpassing $78 a barrel. Now that’s what I call a *hot commodity*. Your next gas bill is gonna make you say 'Alllllrighty then!'... but not in a good way.

Wall Street Blues

The stock market? Oh it's having a bad hair day. Asian and European stocks took a nosedive faster than a toupee in a hurricane. Investors are running for the hills clutching their pearls and investing in canned goods. Dow futures were down over 500 points by 8:21 a.m. London time. Looks like someone needs a hug... and maybe a financial advisor.

What's Next? Nobody Nose!

Now everyone's wondering what Iran and the U.S. are gonna do next. Will Uncle Sam get involved? Secretary of State Marco Rubio says the U.S. wasn't involved in Israel's strike but Iran is holding Washington responsible anyway. President Trump has a National Security Council meeting scheduled. I can only imagine the amount of chest thumping and finger pointing going on in that room right now. Stay tuned folks. This ain't over 'til the fat lady sings...or until someone accidentally nukes Toledo.