Allllllrighty Then! Trump's 'Big, Beautiful Bill' Smells Like a Skunk... And Deficits!

Holy Testicle Tuesday! A Budget Breakdown

Greetings Earthlings! Ace Ventura Pet Detective (and now apparently budget analyst – go figure!) reporting for doody! Seems like there's some funky business going down in Washington D.C. regarding a 'big beautiful bill' from none other than Donald Trump. But hold the phone! The Congressional Budget Office (or CBO as they like to call themselves – sounds like a robot from Mars!) says this 'beautiful' thing could add a whopping $2.4 trillion to the national debt over the next decade! Can you smell what the Ace is cookin'? (Hint: It smells like trouble!).

House of Pain: Republicans Divided!

According to my sources (mostly pigeons and squirrels – very reliable let me tell you) this bill passed by House Republicans plans to cut spending by $1.3 trillion. Sounds good right? WRONG! It also anticipates a $3.7 trillion drop in revenues. That's like trying to fill a swimming pool with a garden hose that's got more holes than a golf course! And now the Senate is involved? Oh dear! This is going to be messier than trying to potty train a rhino!

Grotesque? Immoral? Sounds Like a Party!

Senator Ron Johnson bless his cheese eating heart called the bill 'grotesque' and 'immoral'. Now I've seen some grotesque things in my line of work (trust me you don't want to know about the missing chihuahua incident) but 'immoral'? That's a strong word! Even Elon Musk the guy who's always talking about Doge coin and sending cars to space is calling it a 'disgusting abomination!' I mean when you've lost Elon you've lost the room! Somebody stop me!

Splitting the Bill: A 'Beautiful' Divorce?

Johnson wants to split the bill into two parts but Trump is having none of it. He wants his 'big beautiful' package deal passed in one go without those pesky Democrats getting in the way. That's like trying to force a square peg into a round hole! It's just not gonna happen buddy! But of course it may be all about “winning”. Like I always say: Losers whine about their Best winners go home and fornicate with the prom queen.

CBO Credibility: Rrrrreally?

The Trump camp is trying to discredit the CBO calling them 'historically wrong.' That's like saying Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is Finkle! IT'S THE SAME AGENCY! *ahem* Sorry got a little carried away there. Point is attacking the CBO is a bold move Cotton let's see if it pays off. I really wouldn't go doing that!

July 4th Deadline: Freedom Fireworks and Fiscal Fiascos?

Trump wants this thing on his desk by July 4th. That's a tight deadline! Sounds like someone wants to have their cake and eat it too! But hey maybe he can pull it off. After all he's Trump! Just like I said I'm not into politics; I'm into animals!