23andMe's DNA Secrets Up For Grabs! Is Your Genetic Data Safe From Dr Evil?!

A Spot of Bother Wouldn't You Say?

Right so 23andMe. Sounds like a villain's lair doesn't it? All those DNA secrets swirling around just begging to fall into the wrong hands. Apparently this House Committee on Energy and Commerce is having a right go at them. Seems they've filed for Chapter 11 which if you ask me is never a good sign. It's like ordering a martini shaken not stirred and getting a Shirley Temple instead. Utterly disappointing. And now there's a worry their genetic secrets are about to be spilled.

License to Spill... Secrets That Is

Guthrie Bilirakis and Palmer – sounds like a law firm from hell – are poking around demanding answers by May 1st. About data and privacy naturally. Reminds me of the time I had to explain my 'expenses' to M. It was less than pleasant. This comes on the heels of similar inquiries from the Oversight Committee and the FTC. Looks like 23andMe is getting the full MI6 treatment. High time if you ask me. One never knows what nefarious schemes might be hatched from a poorly guarded database.

From Billion Dollar Baby to Bankrupt Blues

Apparently 23andMe was once the belle of the ball valued at a cool $6 billion. Now? Well let's just say they're having trouble making ends meet. Like trying to pay for a Bentley with pocket lint. Now their assets including that juicy database are up for sale. The congressmen are worried about Americans' data because there is no federal data privacy law in place. No kidding!

Hackers Data Leaks and Double Oh Oh No!

Ah yes the 2023 data breach. Seven million customers' information accessed. A nasty business indeed. It's like finding out your Aston Martin has been repossessed – by Blofeld no less. DNA data you see is rather unique. You can't just anonymize it. The thought of it falling into the hands of criminals... well it gives me the same chill as staring down the barrel of Scaramanga's golden gun. Identity theft insurance fraud – the possibilities are endless.

Promises Promises... and Privacy Policies

23andMe claims everything is fine that buyers must comply with their privacy policy. Sounds reassuring doesn't it? Like Goldfinger promising not to irradiate Fort Knox. But I never trust a company that has to say how trustworthy it is. The congressmen say that health data of US citizens is protected by HIPAA but not in 23andMe's case because it is a direct to consumer company. So you can delete your account but according to reports not really.

The Name's Bond Genetic Bond. And I Approve This Message.

So what's the takeaway? Keep a close eye on this situation. Your genetic information is valuable and as Bond James Bond I can assure you that some people will kill for it. Don't let it end up in the wrong hands. Who knows? Maybe I'll have to add 23andMe to my list of organizations to keep an eye on. After all one can never be too careful. Especially when it comes to secrets and DNA.