By Hera! AQR Capital Manages to Outpace S&P 500, Even Amidst Ares' Trade Wars!

Themyscira's Take on Titans of Trade

Greetings mortals! Your favorite Amazonian princess here reporting live from the front lines of... well not exactly battle but the stock market which let's be honest can be just as perilous. It seems AQR Capital Management led by one Cliff Asness (no relation to Ares I hope) has pulled off a feat worthy of the gods themselves! Their Apex strategy and long short Delphi equity fund have doubled the S&P 500's return in the first half of 2025. I must say even I am impressed. I wield a Lasso of Truth but they seem to wield the power of numbers! 'What you do is not who you are.' Unless of course you're raking in profits like these folks. Then maybe it is.

Ares' Trade Wars? More Like Child's Play!

While Ares – my dear troublesome uncle – is busy causing chaos with his trade wars and escalating tensions in the Middle East (Honestly someone needs to take away his Twitter account) AQR is laughing all the way to the bank. The S&P 500 staged a 'stunning rebound,' rebounding from a near 20% sell off. Meanwhile AQR's alternative trend following Helix strategy is strutting along with a 7.4% return. It appears that even the god of war can't disrupt a well calculated investment strategy. Take note nephew! Knowledge is power and apparently so is a good algorithm.

From Chicago to Conquering Capital

It seems Mr. Asness and his cohorts honed their skills at the University of Chicago focusing on value and momentum strategies. Now they have assets worth $142 billion. They've successfully expanded into multistrategy approaches. Truly a business acumen is a talent that helps mortals thrive! Perhaps I should start investing more time in the mortal world of finance... just kidding. 'Fighting doesn't make you a hero.'

AQR Silent: The Sound of Success?

AQR declined to comment on their success. I suppose when you're this good you let the numbers do the talking. Or perhaps they're afraid I'll ask them to explain their strategies in terms a simple Amazonian can understand. 'Only love can truly save the world.' But maybe a good investment strategy can help a little too.

The Lasso of Truth Versus the Algorithm of Profit

So what have we learned today? First even amidst global turmoil and Ares' incessant meddling opportunities for growth abound. Second quantitative finance is apparently more powerful than a god of war. And third I Wonder Woman may need to brush up on my financial skills. Don't worry Ares I'll still be there to stop you. But maybe with a slightly more diversified portfolio.

Ares' Trade Wars? A Distraction or an Opportunity?

In closing mortal investors keep a watchful eye on firms like AQR who can turn chaos into coin. And maybe send Ares a strongly worded letter telling him to chill out. 'It's not about deserve. It's about what you believe. And I believe in love.' But also in smart investments apparently.