Shake It Off! Wall Street's Wildest Stock Moves and My Take!

Duolingo: Speak Now (and Buy Stock)!

Okay so Morgan Stanley is crushing on Duolingo saying it's a 'best in class consumer internet asset.' That's like saying 'Red' is the best album – I mean *obviously*. Shares jumped 9%! Guess people are finally realizing learning a new language is the ultimate revenge on anyone who ever said you couldn't do it. I wonder if they have a course on how to perfectly deliver a subtle diss track? Asking for a friend of course.

Tesla: A Love Story (of Volatility)

Elon darling your company's earnings were a bit 'weaker than expected,' but your shares still surged 7%? Talk about defying gravity! Sounds like you're ready to shake off all the haters. He says he'll be spending less time with the 'Department of Government Efficiency.' More time for Twitter then? Just kidding… mostly. As the old saying goes baby just say yes!

Gildan: Style (and Tariffs) That Never Go Out of Fashion

Gildan's up 2% because they might dodge Trump's tariffs? Smart move. Sounds like they're ready for it. They're writing their own 'Blank Space' with their Honduras based manufacturing. I for one am always here for brands who know how to play the game.

Enphase Energy: A Solar Eclipse?

Oh no! Enphase Energy missed forecasts and their stock is down 14%. Tariffs from China are messing with their battery business. It's like when you're about to drop the perfect lyric but you forget the words. A moment of silence please. Don't blame me tariffs made them crash!

Cava: Restaurant Chain Climbing Charts!

Cava's stock is up 7% after an 'outperform' rating? Apparently they're recession proof. So if the world ends at least we'll have delicious Mediterranean bowls. 'Cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream'.

Big Tech's 'Reputation' Era?

Apple Microsoft Meta Nvidia – the whole crew is up! It's like they're all releasing surprise albums at the same time. And Boeing? They're bouncing back! They are ready to fly and get back on the road! They are on the getaway car! Looks like everyone's decided to calm down and just 'Shake It Off.' See? Even Wall Street knows a good beat when they hear one.