Bazinga! Trump Administration Zaps Biden's AI Chip Rule Into the Phantom Zone!

A Most Disturbing Development: The AI Diffusion Rule Arrives!

Greetings humble purveyors of knowledge and consumers of quantum physics (or as you may know them electrons moving hither and yon)! It has come to my attention that the previous administration under the guise of 'national security,' attempted to shackle the very engines of progress – AI chips! Yes the so called 'AI Diffusion Rule' was poised to inflict grievous harm upon the American semiconductor industry dividing nations into arbitrary tiers like some sort of geopolitical seating arrangement at Comic Con.

Sheldon's Tier System: A Far Superior Model!

Now I Sheldon Cooper Ph.D. have devised my own tier system for global technological advancement. Tier 1: Nations who comprehend the profound implications of string theory. Tier 2: Those who are willing to learn. Tier 3: Individuals who believe Pluto is still a planet. (Spoiler alert: it’s not! Get over it!). Clearly the previous administration's methodology was lacking in scientific rigor and dare I say common sense. As I always say 'Everything is complicated if you don't know the underlying equations.'

A Reprieve! Sanity Prevails… Almost.

Fortunately the Trump administration in a move that surprised even this seasoned observer of human (and Klingon) behavior has decided to rescind this draconian measure. A Department of Commerce spokesperson presumably a person of considerable intellect (or at least someone who passed high school physics) confirmed the plan. It appears they recognized the impending doom this rule would have unleashed upon American innovation. One might even say they 'nipped it in the bud,' a phrase I would never utter unironically… until now.

Nvidia's Jubilation: A Stock Price Bonanza!

Unsurprisingly Nvidia purveyors of the finest graphics processing units this side of the Andromeda Galaxy expressed their gratitude. Their stock price undoubtedly experienced a surge of such magnitude that it likely created a localized distortion in the space time continuum. They claim this move will unlock a 'once in a generation opportunity' to lead the next industrial revolution. I however remain skeptical. Revolutions like Leonard’s fashion sense tend to be… messy.

The Quest for American AI Dominance: A Bazinga Worthy Goal!

The Department of Commerce in a statement of admirable brevity (a rare feat indeed) declared that the Biden AI rule was 'overly complex overly bureaucratic and would stymie American innovation.' They vow to replace it with a 'much simpler rule.' One can only hope this 'simpler rule' doesn't involve reducing AI to a series of binary choices akin to 'rock paper scissors.' Because as we all know rock always wins against scissors.

The China Conundrum: A Loss of Tremendousness

The CEOs of Nvidia and AMD have wisely cautioned against completely shutting down access to the Chinese market. Apparently a market of over a billion potential customers represents a ‘tremendous loss.’ Although I’m sure that loss cannot be measure in the loss of access to authentic Chinese food (a real tragedy if you ask me). And I quote Jensen Huang as having used that very word: 'tremendous'! It seems even Captain Obvious has weighed in but with better use of vocabulary.