Lights Out, Europe? I Take Blackouts Personally (Like Losing to the Pistons)

Was it the Flu Game or the Grid Game?

So I heard Europe had a little… problem. A power outage they called it. Sounds like someone forgot to pay their electricity bill. Back in my day we didn't have blackouts; we had highlight reels. Remember the flu game? I played my heart out even when I was sick. But this? This sounds like a global scale of a bad day on the court. But hey at least no one could see their bad shots.

Cyber Attack? Sounds Like Detroit's Defense...

Officials are whispering about a potential cyber attack. Cyber attack? Please. The only attack I feared was the Pistons' defense in the late '80s. Those guys were brutal! But a cyber attack? Sounds like someone’s trying to hack into my legacy. Ain't gonna happen! They should have consulted me I would have advised them to build a better offense a defense on digital infrastructure.

Traffic Jams? Rookie Numbers!

Gridlock traffic jams... Amateurs! Try navigating the lane with Charles Barkley and Patrick Ewing breathing down your neck. That’s real gridlock. But seriously people trapped in the metro and elevators? Sounds like a scene from a bad movie. My advice? Always have a basketball with you. Keeps you entertained and in shape. Also it can make you feel like you are in Space Jam.

Madrid Open? More Like Madrid Closed!

The Madrid Open got shut down? Even tennis players can't escape the darkness. Dimitrov and Fearnley I feel your pain. Nothing worse than getting your game interrupted. But hey maybe they can use the downtime to practice their free throws. Free throws win championships people! Speaking of which where's my trophy?

Government Meetings? They Need a Coach!

The Spanish and Portuguese governments met to discuss this mess. A crisis committee was formed. Sounds serious. What they really need is a good coach. Someone to tell them to focus stay calm and execute the game plan. Maybe I should offer my services. I could turn that committee into a championship team in no time.

Air Jordan's Still Flyin' (Even When the Planes Aren't)

Airports reporting delays? That’s never good. I mean I’m Air Jordan! Delays are for rookies. But hey at least the emergency generators kicked in. Gotta give credit where credit is due. Though I bet my private jet was still up and running smoothly. You know for someone who likes to fly high I still like to land on my feet.