Goldman Sachs: Still Relevant? (Spoiler: Bank of America Thinks So)

Adapt or Die (Or You Know Get Bought by a Tech Company)

Alright folks let's talk Goldman Sachs. Apparently Bank of America thinks they're doing something right. They've slapped a 'buy' rating on them which in Wall Street terms I think it means 'don't short it just yet'. According to them Goldman has 'proven DNA to adapt to an ever changing world.' DNA? Last time I checked they were still using spreadsheets and yelling into phones. Maybe they mean *digital* DNA? I should probably look into that my people are probably already on it. The Metaverse ain't gonna build itself you know. The analyst Ebrahim Poonawala is projecting a $700 per share price target. Sounds ambitious. I wonder if he's tried setting *that* as his life goal on Facebook.

Volcker '08 and...What's Next the Metaverse Crash?

Poonawala's citing Goldman's history of navigating 'turbulent periods,' like the Paul Volcker era and the 2008 financial crisis. Okay fair enough. Surviving those is like surviving a Congressional hearing – you come out a little bruised maybe a little more robotic but still standing. He says these times showed 'a strong combination of scale and flexibility.' That's code for 'they're big enough to throw their weight around and nimble enough to blame someone else when things go south.' Just kidding! Mostly... Flexibilty is key. Remember what I always say 'Move Fast and Break Things'. Except maybe not the global economy. That's probably frowned upon.

Trading is Up! (Is This a Sign of the Apocalypse?)

Apparently Goldman's trading revenue is doing gangbusters. Poonawala attributes this to a 'sea change in the macro backdrop' and a focus on 'deepening client relationships.' Translation: the world is chaotic and they're making bank off it. Oh and also cozying up to their buddies. He notes that trading revenues have grown in six of the last seven years. Well maybe they should invest in some Metaverse real estate or something! I am kidding. Maybe. Remember 'The future is private' and I know a great private island they might enjoy!

Private Credit: The New Subprime?

Now they're talking about private credit. Poonawala thinks Goldman is well positioned to handle any volatility there because they've been in the game since the mid 90s and have 'strong risk management.' Right because *that* always works out perfectly. But hey maybe this time it's different! They have the 'superior client selection' skills. Okay I am sold! Superior client selection? Where do I sign up for that feature in real life? Could save me a lot of awkward Thanksgiving dinners.

Up and to the Right! (Or Sideways Who Knows?)

The stock's up 9% this year and 4% in June. So should you buy it? I'm not giving financial advice folks. I'm just a guy who wears the same grey t shirt every day and talks about connecting the world while secretly building an empire. But hey if Bank of America is saying 'buy,' maybe there's something to it. Just remember to diversify! Put some money into AI the Metaverse and maybe even… *shudders* … physical stores. After all who knows what tomorrow brings?

In Conclusion: We're All Doomed (But Goldman Will Probably Be Fine)

So there you have it. Goldman Sachs is apparently the cockroach of Wall Street – they'll survive anything. Whether it's Volcker the '08 crisis or me trying to explain the Metaverse to my grandmother they'll keep chugging along making money and probably finding new and innovative ways to confuse us all. And remember as I always say 'The biggest risk is not taking any risk... In a world that is changing really quickly the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks.'