Function Health Acquires Ezra: Finally, Healthcare That Doesn't Require a Harvard Degree (or Kim K's Budget)

Move Fast and (Heal) Things

Alright folks Zuck here reporting live from… well not the metaverse today. Turns out real world health is kinda important too. We all saw the headlines Function Health scooped up Ezra the MRI wizards. Why? Because at Meta we believe in connecting people and that connection starts with you guessed it a healthy body! We're talking about giving everyone access to the kind of preventative care usually reserved for celebrities and those with Swiss bank accounts. It's like 'Move fast and break things,' but instead of breaking things we're you know *fixing* them *before* they break. A novel concept I know.

$499 for a Full Body MRI? Is This Real Life?

Yes Virginia there *is* a Santa Claus… and he's wearing a lab coat. Function Health is now offering a 22 minute full body MRI scan for just $499. Let that sink in. A few years ago you'd need to sell a kidney (metaphorically of course please don't actually sell a kidney) to afford this kind of imaging. Now it's cheaper than the latest VR headset! We're leveraging AI and efficiencies to bring down costs because frankly early detection shouldn't cost more than a weekend getaway. Unless that getaway is to space. Then maybe it's comparable.

Beyond Blood Tests: Seeing Is Believing

Let's be honest blood tests are great but they don't show the whole picture. Think of it like this: blood tests are like Facebook posts – carefully curated and potentially misleading. MRI scans on the other hand are like VR – a fully immersive high definition view of what's *really* going on inside. Function's CEO Jonathan Swerdlin nailed it when he said "What labs aren't covering scans can see and what scans couldn't touch on labs cover." It's the ultimate healthcare power couple!

Kim K Made Me Do It (Kinda)

Okay so maybe *I* wasn't directly influenced by Kim Kardashian's social media posts about full body MRIs… but the increased awareness definitely helped. Thanks Kim! It's proof that even celebrity endorsements can be used for good (sometimes). Look the bottom line is more people are talking about preventative health and that's a win for everyone.

AI: Not Just for Deepfakes Anymore

Ezra shortened its scan time to 22 minutes using AI cleared by the FDA. Boom. This isn't some futuristic fantasy; it's happening *now*. We're using artificial intelligence to make healthcare faster cheaper and more accurate. And no the AI isn't going to diagnose you with existential dread (yet). It's focused on finding actual health problems *before* they become a problem. Think of it as the ultimate 'poke' – but instead of annoying your friends it's saving your life.

The Future Is Healthy (and Affordable)

This acquisition isn't just about two companies joining forces; it's about democratizing healthcare. It's about giving everyone the tools they need to take control of their health and live longer healthier lives. As Dr. Mark Hyman put it "What used to be the domain of the wealthy is now accessible to everybody." And that my friends is something worth 'Liking' and 'Sharing'.