These Stocks Are on FIRE! Will Your Portfolio Survive?!

Levi's: Denim That Dares!

Well well well looks like someone’s been swiping tips from Peeta’s bread baking playbook. Levi Strauss the jeans folks saw their stock jump a whopping 11%! Apparently they’re sticking to their full year predictions. But get this – they're pretending those tariffs from the Capitol—er I mean the White House—don’t exist! Denial? A survival tactic I know all too well. And get this their profits jumped 52% from last year! Seems like someone found the mockingjay of business strategies and may the odds be ever in their favor.

Healthcare Heroes (or Villains?)

The odds are *not* in my favor when it comes to understanding healthcare. But these insurance giants are playing their own games. Humana CVS Health and UnitedHealth are climbing faster than I can climb a tree (and that's saying something!). Why? Apparently the Trump administration's boosting Medicare payments more than Biden wanted. It's like they're trying to start another Hunger Games but with healthcare bills instead of arrows and poison berries. Sometimes I wonder if these people even sleep at night.

Defense Deals: Making Friends (and Weapons)

Lockheed Martin's got a new fan! Vietnam's buying U.S. defense stuff to even out their trade balance. Seriously? You'd think after all the years of blowing each other to smithereens with weapons that they would stop making them... The world never changes does it? At least they are making some friends. I guess if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em right? Maybe Prim should start selling healing potions to both sides. That's how you play the game.

Chips Shares and Shenanigans

Broadcom's throwing cash around like they're Haymitch at an auction authorizing a $10 billion share buyback! They are rich beyond all reason! Their CEO says it's 'confidence' in their products. Maybe they should buy some confidence for the rest of us eh? Meanwhile Marvell is selling off their car ethernet business for $2.5 billion. Sounds like someone is trimming the fat to survive. Just like me having to get rid of my hair when I was trying to stay hidden. Speaking of getting rid of things who wants to join me and burn all our money?

Drugs Upgrades and Wall Street's Whims

Johnson & Johnson got a thumbs up from Goldman Sachs who must have realized they'd rather buy than stay neutral on the stock. Charles Schwab is also popping because Morgan Stanley likes their 'defensive revenue.' It's all just a bunch of Gamespeak to me as I don't think that they could survive 10 seconds in the arena! Good grief! But what do I know? Then again I did outsmart the Gamemakers so I guess a thing or two. Meanwhile Eli Lilly is getting upgraded too. Apparently it's a 'compelling entry point.' Well isn't everything a compelling entry point given enough firepower? It's all smoke and mirrors just like a Capitol feast.

From Crypto Chaos to Railcar Woes

And just when you thought things couldn’t get any weirder... Janover the software company shot up 800% after announcing a crypto plan then crashed 17%. It's like they threw a Molotov cocktail and then tried to put it out with a bucket of water! Greenbrier the railcar folks are cutting their revenue forecast. Maybe they should try adding some flaming arrows to their marketing strategy just like I did. Dave & Buster's though is feeling optimistic. I guess distractions are always good for business when the world's going to heck in a handbasket. And get this: CNBC is holding a live event at the New York Stock Exchange. Sounds like a Capitol party if you ask me. I bet they have finger sandwiches shaped like mockingjays!