May the Odds Be Ever in Your Wi-Fi's Favor: Amazon Launches Project Kuiper

A Rocket a Launch and a Whole Lotta Satellites

Well folks looks like we have a new contender in the 'who can put the most stuff in space' games. Amazon yes the same folks who deliver everything from groosling (that's goose for those of you not up on your District 12 slang) to who knows what else just launched their first batch of Kuiper internet satellites. Apparently they decided delivering packages wasn't enough excitement. A ULA rocket did the honors blasting off from Florida like it was trying to escape a swarm of tracker jackers. According to some ULA guy named Caleb the launch was 'beautiful'. Reminds me of when President Snow used to describe the Hunger Games. Beautiful for who exactly?

The Arena: Low Earth Orbit

These satellites are supposed to be chilling about 280 miles up which let's be honest sounds a lot less scary than being trapped in an arena designed to kill you. Amazon's hoping they can actually maneuver and talk back to Earth. I imagine if they don't someone's head will roll. Probably not literally but you never know with these big corporations. This whole thing is called Project Kuiper and it's Amazon's attempt to give Elon Musk's Starlink a run for its money. It's like Haymitch says 'That's how you win! By making them love you!' Only in this case it's 'By making them love your internet!'

May the FCC's Deadlines Be Ever in Their Favor

Here's where things get interesting. The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) which sounds like some sort of futuristic Peacekeeper force wants Amazon to have half their satellites up by July 2026. That's like being told you have to win the Hunger Games by a certain date or else. So Amazon's booked over 80 launches with various companies including get this SpaceX. Yep the same company that belongs to their competitor Elon Musk. Talk about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer. Reminds me of when I had to pretend to be in love with Peeta to survive. Only hopefully this won't involve any poisonous berries.

A Small Loan of...Ten Billion Dollars?

So Amazon's dropping a cool ten *billion* dollars on this whole Kuiper thing. That's enough to feed District 12 for oh I don't know a few centuries? They're hoping to start offering internet service later this year to everyone from regular folks to governments. Amazon's CEO Andy Jassy thinks it'll eventually be a 'meaningful operating income.' Which in Capitol speak means 'We're hoping to make a ton of money off this.' Because of course they are. Nothing's ever just free is it?

Return on Invested Capitol...I mean Capital

Apparently everyone's waiting to see if Amazon's going to spend even *more* money on Kuiper. It’s all about the 'ROIC,' or Return on Invested Capital which basically means how much bang they're getting for their buck. All this talk of money makes my head spin faster than a hovercraft. But hey as long as someone figures out how to get decent internet to District 12 I'm all for it. Maybe we can finally stream some mockingjay calls without buffering.

Will This Be a Game of Survival?

So there you have it. Amazon's throwing its hat into the satellite internet ring promising to connect the world (and make a profit while doing it). Only time will tell if Project Kuiper will soar like a mockingjay or crash and burn like a poorly aimed hovercraft. As for me I'll be watching from District 12 hoping this whole thing doesn't end with another Hunger Games situation. After all we've had enough explosions for one lifetime. Remember survive.