TikTok Orders Users to Meditate or Face My Wrath: A Licence to Chill?

Tick Tock Goes the Clock Time for Mindfulness?

Right so it appears that TikTok that den of distraction and digital dance offs is now attempting to morph into a wellness guru. Yes you heard correctly. Faced with enough lawsuits to sink a small nation they're forcing meditation on their young users. It’s like giving a shark swimming lessons isn’t it? 'Bond James Bond the world's foremost double 0 agent with a license to chill?' I suppose but this is far from my preferred method of unwinding.

Sleep Now Dance Later?

Apparently if you're under 18 and foolish enough to be scrolling through TikTok after 10 p.m. prepare to be interrupted by a guided meditation. They're calling it improving sleep quality. I call it a digital nanny state. Double dose of meditation prompt if you ignore the first one? I'd rather face Blofeld. At least he's upfront about his evil intentions.

The Devil You Know or the Devil You TikTok?

This meditation app comes hot on the heels of other supposed fixes – educational feeds online safety tools the whole shebang. One can almost hear the corporate apologies resonating from here to Beijing. Because of lawsuits TikTok is apparently addicted to harming children according to an attorney in Washington D.C. The social psychologists are warning that it can cause mental health issues for children. But are these changes a genuine effort or just window dressing to appease the pitchfork wielding masses? One can't be too sure you know.

From Russia With... Lawsuits?

And the lawsuits! Attorneys general are swarming TikTok like sharks to chum. Allegations of intentional addictiveness psychological damage the works. TikTok says the lawsuits are ignoring the proactive measures that are in place which sounds like a villain assuring everyone of their good intentions before detonating the world. It's a classic deflection tactic and I've seen my fair share.

Bananas are Not Just for Monkeys Social Media Ban for Minors

Remember that time the U.S. almost banned TikTok? Good times. Congress banned TikTok unless its Chinese parent company ByteDance sold its stake in the app. However a U.S. President stepped in. Now we're waiting with bated breath to see if TikTok's Chinese owners divest by June. Australia is already banning social media for under 16s and who knows what other digital minefields await. Seems like everyone's suddenly realizing that endless scrolling isn't exactly conducive to a healthy mind.

Ad Credits: A GoldenEye Patch Over a Black Eye?

And finally a $2.3 million donation to mental health organizations? A noble gesture perhaps or perhaps just a clumsy attempt to polish a tarnished image. 'A martini. Shaken not stirred.' Because that's what I would have after hearing this news. This is all very intriguing and suspicious. Until next time Bond out.