Yo, Cramer's Market Moves Got Me Sippin' on Some Financial Truth Tea!

From "Liberation Day" to Lemonade: Market Rollercoaster

Alright check it. My man Jim Cramer over at CNBC he's got the inside scoop ya dig? He was talkin' 'bout how the last quarter started off lookin' like a straight up episode of 'Scared Straight!' Remember when Trump was throwin' tariffs around like confetti at a Will Smith concert? The market went bananas! But then like Geoffrey serving up a glass of somethin' cool things calmed down. Cramer said stayin' the course is the only way to play this crazy game. Word up!

Amazon's Andy Jassy: The Fresh Prince of E Commerce?

Monday Cramer's kickin' it with Andy Jassy the head honcho at Amazon. He wants to know what's up with consumer spending 'cause apparently some folks are holdin' onto their Benjamins tighter than Uncle Phil holdin' onto his wallet when I'm around. Hopefully Jassy can drop some knowledge bombs and tell us if we should be investin' or if we're headed for a financial 'Parents Just Don't Understand' moment.

Beer Woes and Weight Loss: The Constellation Conundrum

Tuesday's bringin' the earnings report for Constellation Brands the folks behind Modelo and Corona. Cramer's predictin' it ain't gonna be pretty. Apparently folks are ditchin' the brewskis for weight loss drugs and... wait for it... cannabis! Can you believe it? Looks like even beer's got competition these days. And get this Cramer said Trump's immigration policies are hurtin' their sales too! Half their beer sales come from Hispanic consumers and with all the deportation talk they're spendin' less. Talk about a buzzkill!

Mortgage Mayhem: House of Cards?

Wednesday's all about mortgage applications. Cramer's callin' the data an 'albatross' for the whole economy. An albatross! That's heavier than Hilary's pearls at a fancy gala. Sounds like the housing market's got more problems than I had tryin' to fit in at the Bel Air Academy.

Labor Day Everyday?: The Big Thursday Reveal

Thursday's the main event baby! The labor report drops and everyone's gonna be glued to their screens like they're watchin' my latest dance craze. If the numbers are weak Cramer's sayin' Trump might go after the Fed Chair Jerome Powell. Again! It's like watchin' Jazz get thrown out of the Banks' mansion all over again. Weaker job numbers might even mean they cut interest rates. It's a financial soap opera I tell ya!

Invest Like a Boss: Cramer's Club

So if you wanna keep up with all this financial madness Cramer's got a club the CNBC Investing Club. You can follow his every move in the market. Just remember always bet on yourself unless you're bettin' against me in a dance off! Then you're on your own.