Buffett's Outta Here! (But Don't Worry, America's Still Ballin')

Yo He's Steppin' Down! Fresh Prince Style

Alright check it! The Oracle of Omaha Warren Buffett himself just dropped a bomb bigger than Carlton's dance moves at a rave. He's like 'Peace out CEO!' Can you believe it? He's passin' the reins to this dude Greg Abel who apparently knows his stuff. Buffett's all 'Greg's the man for the job by year end.' Word! He even told his kids first. Talk about keepin' it in the fam! But don't sweat it he says he's gonna 'hang around.' Like Uncle Phil lettin' me crash in the pool house – good to know some things never change!

Tariffs? More Like Terrible iffs!

Buffett's throwin' shade at tariffs sayin' they're straight up 'an act of war.' Whoa chill out Warren! He's basically sayin' that fightin' over trade is as dumb as tryin' to teach Jazz some manners. He wants everyone to trade nice and let each country do what they do best. Sounds like a plan G! 'Cause nobody wants another economic dust up know what I'm sayin'?

Market Rollercoaster? More Like a Kiddie Ride!

So the market's been doin' the electric slide – one step forward two steps back. But Buffett's like 'Relax y'all! It's just a blip!' He ain't sweatin' the small stuff. In fact if Berkshire's stock takes a dive he sees it as a 'fantastic opportunity.' That's like findin' a twenty in your old blazer – straight up WINNING!

America Still Doin' the Humpty Hump!

Even with all the drama Buffett's still got mad love for the U.S. of A. He's seen wars recessions and even the atomic bomb. He's all 'Yo if I could be born anywhere it'd be right here negotiating in the womb.' Now that's what I call commitment even Uncle Phil couldn't argue with that! The man's got faith that America's gonna keep leadin' the way!

Deficits? That Ain't No Party!

Buffett's gettin' serious about Uncle Sam's spending habits. He's worried about the deficit sayin' it's not sustainable. He didn't get into the DOGE initiative specifically but he definitely thinks Congress needs to get its act together and cut some spending. It's a job nobody wants but somebody's gotta do it. Sounds like someone's gotta put Uncle Phil in charge!

Ten Billion Dollars Just Burnin' a Hole!

Hold up! Buffett almost dropped TEN BILLION DOLLARS! Can you even imagine?! He said they were close to spendin' it but they didn't pull the trigger. They're sittin' on a mountain of cash waitin' for the right opportunity. Wonder if they take requests I have a few ideas for how they could spend the money starting with a lifetime supply of Bel Air's finest orange juice.