Trump Just Did WHAT to the Stock Market?! You Won't Believe the Returns!

Trump Talks Markets Rock!

Let me tell you something the market listens when I speak. When I say 'Buy,' you better buy! This Wednesday the ex President Donald Trump decided to drop some financial wisdom on Truth Social. He said 'THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO BUY!!! DJT.' And like a roundhouse kick to the gut of market stagnation stocks went wild! Remember when Chuck Norris gives financial advice even God listens. Well maybe not God but definitely the S&P 500.

Follow the Leader or Get Left Behind!

Some folks might call it insider trading but I call it 'opportunity.' Trump drops a Truth Bomb and those who listened saw some serious green. The S&P 500 ETF Trust (SPDR) jumped over 9%! A $1,000 investment could have turned into $1,093. That's enough to buy a lifetime supply of beard oil... almost. Back in my day we didn't need Truth Social. A simple glare from Chuck Norris was enough to move markets.

DJT: More Than Just Initials!

The real kicker? Trump Media & Technology (DJT) soared after his little shout out. Up over 22%! A grand invested could've netted you $1,222. That's enough to buy a small country... or at least a very nice pair of cowboy boots. The market knows what's up! Chuck Norris doesn't invest. The market invests in Chuck Norris.

Musk's Ride Gets Electrified!

Even Tesla got a boost! Up 18% after Trump's post. That's right even Elon Musk's electric chariot got a little jolt from the Trump effect. A $1,000 investment could have ballooned to $1,180. The power of Trump flows through everything like my fist through a brick wall. Remember Chuck Norris doesn't drive Tesla Tesla drives Chuck Norris... carefully.

Caveats? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Caveats!

Okay okay so the market's still down compared to last week. But who cares about the past? Focus on the present and the present says Trump's word is gold! Those whining on WallStreetBets? They're just jealous they didn't act fast enough. I've seen tougher markets than this. Heck I once wrestled a bear market into submission with my bare hands. True story!

Market Manipulation? Or Just Savvy Advice?

So is it market manipulation? Maybe. But remember Chuck Norris doesn't manipulate the market the market manipulates itself to please Chuck Norris. Some people say Trump's actions are questionable but I say it's just smart business. You gotta seize the opportunity when it comes knocking even if that knock is a Truth Social post from a former President. Now go out there and make some money... or face my roundhouse kick. Your choice.